Childhood’s End: “Spawn”

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The first time I saw “Spawn,” I was 17 going on 18. But I’d been a fan of the character since I was an adolescent, and it was through those rose-colored glasses that I originally watched the film. So how does it hold up?

Well, “Spawn” works, I suppose. It works if you look at it as self-parody. I don’t think the filmmakers knew exactly what they were doing. It’s an effects film, but the effects aren’t that good. Like the Image comic it’s based on, “Spawn” is all sizzle and no steak. To its credit, “Spawn” is a more faithful comic book adaptation than “Batman & Robin,” released that same summer. It’s just as exposition-heavy and unintentionally hilarious as its source material. The film also has perhaps the greatest line of dialogue ever written: “You are a borderline psychopath, perfect for government service.”

Michael Jai White stars as Al Simmons, a government assassin for A-6, some neocon wetwork wet dream. For a so-called “borderline sociopath,” Simmons is less than thrilled when he finds out his last assignment has caused the deaths of innocent civilians. He wants out. His superior officer, Jason Wynn, played by a snarling Martin Sheen, agrees to transfer Simmons to another division, but first he has to go on one final mission…so he can be betrayed and killed.

Simmons is sent to hell, where the devil Malebolgia makes him a deal: He’ll return him to Earth on the condition that Simmons will someday lead hell’s army. Simmons agrees, not really having thought it through, and he wakes up in a rain-soaked alley — horribly burned and dressed like Eddie Vedder. He’s followed around by Clown (John Leguizamo), a squat demon with a painted face. Clown taunts him, provides exposition and eats maggoty slices of pizza. Simmons quickly discovers that five years have passed since his death. Worse, his fiance has married his best friend. For whatever reason, his flannel clothes are soon replaced by a shell of “necroflesh” that sprouts spikes and chains at will. More exposition is given, this time by Cogliostro, a 500-year-old Medieval knight who’s living among the homeless in New York City for some reason. At any rate, Simmons decides he should try to make the most of his superpowers by killing his former boss.

Clocking in at around 90 minutes, “Spawn” is loaded to the gills with exposition. The film is breathtakingly paced, which is problematic. Though Simmons is willing to sell his soul to the devil to see his fiance again, we’re never given much of an indication as to how deep and meaningful their relationship is. They’re not even in a scene together until we’re hit with a series of flashbacks after Simmons’ death and resurrection. That two mentor figures — Clown and Cogliostro — are needed to school Simmons (and the audience) in his backstory and powers also goes to show how impenetrable the character’s origin is. Of course, it never made a whole hell of a lot of sense in 180+ issues of the comic book series either. For instance, Simmons can apparently be killed if he’s decapitated, but isn’t he already dead? Or is he just “mostly dead?”

But, looking at the film as an exercise in high-camp, it’s a blast. A framed photograph of a mushroom cloud adorns the wall of Wynn’s office! Wynn’s ashtray is populated by live scorpions! And Wynn’s harvesting a biological weapon that “makes the Ebola virus look like a skin rash!” When your doomsday weapon makes something that’s really bad look like something that’s not all that bad, then your doomsday weapon is B-A-D! Take note, wannabe-supervillains.

Though it’s shot by Guillermo Navarro — Guillermo del Toro’s D.P. — the film looks like a DTV effort. It’s somehow cheaper looking than yesterday’s Childhood’s End installment, “Masters of the Universe,” a film that’s 10 years older. That being said, the CGI hasn’t aged well. Malebolgia’s mouth doesn’t move when he talks, Hell looks like a stage from “Mortal Kombat” on Sega Genesis, and Simmon’s cape appears sporadically, looking like it’s made from spaghetti sauce, not cloth.

Roger Ebert gave “Spawn” three-and-a-half stars, believe it or not. However, the film didn’t do well enough at the box office to warrant a sequel. Todd McFarlane’s remained bullish about cranking out another installment, but after more than a decade, nothing’s come to fruition. I think the one of the film’s (many) weaknesses is it how slavish it is to the source material; McFarlane’s credited as an Executive Producer and even has a cameo, a la Stan Lee. What may work on the page, though, doesn’t translate so well to the screen. Or maybe that’s the point. Again, if you want some processed cheese, you could do a lot worse.

Tomorrow: “Monster Squad.”

-Brad Lohan

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