Jan
16
“My Bloody Valentine 3D” Review
Filed Under Movies
I pretty much called it yesterday when I bemoaned the conventions of a slasher film whodunit. Though I enjoyed “My Bloody Valentine 3D,” I think it’s way too caught up in trying to solve the mystery of the killer’s identity, not unlike the original. No one goes to a slasher movie for the friggin’ story. The problem with both versions of “My Bloody Valentine” is that they have too much plot for a horror flick.
Since the remake is fresher on my mind, and since it just opened at a theater near you (like right behind you!), I’m going to limit this review to that film. Lionsgate, to the studio’s credit, didn’t totally bury the film or bungle the marketing of it. In fact, the trailers for “My Bloody Valentine 3D” are brilliant, playing up the novelty of the 3D presentation. Seeing the movie in 3D is absolutely worth it. The weenis sitting beside me nearly jumped out of his seat a couple of times during the film. Fun fact: the 3D glasses that are provided by the ArcLight apparently cost $65 apiece to manufacture!
The film is about a mining town that’s still reeling from a killing spree that took place there ten years ago when the sole survivor of a mine collapse named Harry Warden went berserk. Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles) returns after a decade-long absence to sell his father’s mine, play head games with his ex-girlfriend Sarah Palmer (Jamie King) and become the prime suspect once bodies start piling up again. Sarah’s now married to the sheriff, Axel Palmer (Kerr Smith), who’d like very much to put Hanniger in jail and quiet the fears that Harry Warden’s returned from the dead.
As exciting as it is to see a “Dawson’s Creek” cast reunion with Smith and Ackles in the film, I should point out that horror movie icon Tom “Thrill Me” Atkins (“Creepshow,” “Halloween III,” “Night of the Creeps”) also appears as the retired sheriff. He probably has the nastiest comeuppance, but in a movie with a killer who wields a pickaxe, no one goes quietly.
The stalk-and-slash bits are terrific. What grinds the film to a halt is its unnecessarily complicated story. I surprisingly found myself enjoying the chick lit love triangle drama, but all of the whodunit business is a slog. And once the killer’s identified at the climax, it’s not much of a payoff; it’s a cheat. I won’t give it away, though if you felt gypped by the reveal at the end of “High Tension,” be forewarned.
It’s interesting to note that the movie sort of abandons the whole Valentine’s Day component for long stretches. People’s hearts are torn out every so often and put in boxes of candy, but I wanted more holiday-theming throughout. There is a bit of instantly forgettable exposition about the Valentine’s Day — provided by a woman who’s completely naked, utilizing 3D technology in the best way possible. Beyond that, it’s easy to lose track of what day it is.
Maybe I’m being overly critical. I did have a good time at the film. My expectations were just too high, so I guess that’s why I feel a little broken-hearted.
-Brad Lohan
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[...] “My Bloody Valentine 3D” Review [...]
[...] for last year’s remake, “My Bloody Valentine 3D” (read my mixed-positive review here), I think I’ve warmed to the film since my initial viewing. I’ve seen the film twice [...]
[...] are director Patrick Lussier and writer Todd Farmer. I really dug their collaboration on “My Bloody Valentine,” perhaps the only horror remake within the last 10 years that justifies its existence. With [...]