Feb
23
I Think I’ll Pass on “Alice in Wonderland”
Filed Under Movies
A few weeks ago, I had to convince my girlfriend that Tim Burton’s latest living nightmare, “Alice in Wonderland,” is a sequel to and not a remake of the animated film. I can understand her confusion, since there’s no numerical designation in the title. In fact, the name of the sequel is identical to the original, forever cementing its place in history as unnecessarily confusing. Now, further clarification will be needed when people try to determine what the hell movie they’re talking about in casual conversation.
I think I’m going to skip the new “Alice in Wonderland” movie entirely, so when people ask me if I’ve seen “Alice in Wonderland,” my response will be, “Yes and no.”
When I was a young ‘un, “Alice in Wonderland,” the original 1951 version, was one of those movies that I watched approximately a billion times. As an undergrad in film school, I dreamed of someday remaking the movie because I was heavily medicated at the time and prone to delusions; I also wanted to try my hand at adapting “Watchmen” as a 12-part HBO series, FTW.
The unwritten law in Hollywood is that whatever idea I have, regardless of how crappy, will ultimately be realized by someone else in a way that I find wholly inadequate. I submit to you Tim Burton’s take on “Alice in Wonderland” as an example of this strange phenomenon. Is there really anything about this movie that demands I see it? The answer is no. It’s a movie that exists solely as a marketing gimmick, from Tim Burton’s brand equity to Johnny Depp’s star power to its being in 3D. “Alice in Wonderland” in and of itself is apparently not a strong enough selling point from Disney’s perspective, so they’ve repackaged it with a director who hasn’t made a good movie in over a decade, an actor whose schtick is becoming tiresome and an added dimension that’s already begun to wear itself thin.
It should be noted that “Alice in Wonderland” was not shot in 3D. Rather, the film was 3D’d up in post-production, which in my opinion is an inferior way of making a 3D movie. “Avatar” and “Friday the 13th: Part 3D” are films that were shot in 3D, and they’re immersive as hell. “A Nightmare Before Christmas” was shot in 2D, but now a 3D version makes the rounds every Halloween in limited release. I find the 3D presentation fairly mediocre in “Nightmare” because it simply wasn’t designed to be that kind of a picture. The forthcoming “Clash of the Titans” is also being 3D’d up in post. Hollywood’s doing their damndest to exhaust people’s interest in 3D as quickly as possible, aren’t they? Studios says its to combat piracy, but I think a better way to do that is by making films people want to see in the theater.
I’ve been at odds with myself over Tim Burton as a filmmaker for the better part of the last decade. He hasn’t really done anything challenging or remarkable in what seems like forever. It’s been one damn remake after another: “Planet of the Apes,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and now “Alice in Wonderland.” Oh, wait, I forgot. “Alice in Wonderland” is a sequel, not a remake. Burton’s clearly stretching himself for the first time in years. Yes, he has a singular vision, but seeing him apply it to existing properties and not something of his own creation seems lazy and uninspired. There’s nothing personal about his movies anymore. He’s not passionate about this material. He’s simply spinning his wheels.
Also, can I point how how ugly the characters in “Alice in Wonderland” are? Depp’s Mad Hatter in particular looks like he’d be right at home on the PeopleOfWalMart.com. Helena Bonham Carter’s Red Queen resembles those caricatures that self-loathing tourists have done of themselves at Disneyland. On the other hand, Anne Hathaway’s easy on the eyes, but apart from her, I don’t want to see the rest of this freak show in three dimensions.
And so, I’m going to avoid “Alice in Wonderland” entirely. I’m not going to see it in theaters, nor will I bother with it on video. It’s Disney at their most shamefully cash-grabbing. What’s next for them, dusting off “Captain EO” in the wake of Michael Jackson’s death? Oh, wait. Well, at least that was shot for 3D.
-Brad Lohan
Comments
2 Responses to “I Think I’ll Pass on “Alice in Wonderland””
Leave a Reply
Bitter much? Seriously, let it go. You’ll never be half what Burton is, whether you went to film school or not. It’s time to move on.
Tim Burton isn’t half the director he used to be, so does that mean I’ll never be one-fourth of what he is?