Sep
30
As someone who goes to the movies by myself fairly often, I actually find it kind of unusual to go with another person. I think maybe I’ve seen about a half-dozen movies this year with a companion or some sort. But I’ve totally lost count of how many movies I’ve seen alone. Just this year, I know I must’ve seen close to a fifty films theatrically. So, yeah, I go once or twice a weekend, sometimes more.
I’ve gotten past the melancholy I used to feel when I went to the movies by myself. It used to depress me to see couples at the movies, holding hands, making out, dry-humping, etc. And that’s just in the line to get popcorn. No, I’ve come to the conclusion that getting someone to go to the movies with me is a thousand times more miserable than how I feel when I see a happy couple all snuggled together at “Saw V.”
Here is a quickie example of the average conversation I find myself having with anyone I ask to accompany me on a trip to the flickershow:
Me: “Hey, man/sweetcheeks. Do you want to go to the movies with me?”
Friend: “Yeah, sure. What movie?”
Me: “Well, there’s a screening of a movie that is right up your alley at a theater that’s conveniently located.”
Friend: “Hmm. Do we have to see a movie that is right up my alley? Can’t we see something that one you already saw three weeks ago and didn’t like all that much?”
Me: “We could, I guess. It’s not playing within the city limits anymore. We’ll have to go out to some shitty second-run theater way the hell out in Irvine.”
Friend: “Cool. Can I bring my wife/husband/RealDoll, so you’ll feel like a third wheel?”
Me: “As long as they insist we sit in the very back row for no good reason whatsoever.”
Friend: “Then it’s on like Donkey Kong!”
I think that pretty much sums it up. I’m always having to compromise about the film, the venue, the seating arrangements and so on and so forth. That said, I find it miraculous that most people even make it out to the movies. It’s so much easier to check out a film when you fly solo because you circumvent the entire negotiation process. It simply becomes a matter of picking a showtime.
And yet, the movies are a fairly traditional place to go for people on dates. This raises the question that I’ve wasted too much time getting around to asking: How important is your significant other’s taste in the cinema to you and your relationship? Obviously, most people don’t live and breathe movies I do — they’re too busy having intercourse — but it still must come up from time to time, particularly on Fridays when a new batch of movies come down the pike.
I’m fairly convinced that romantic comedies are the Great Satan. They’re the most unrealistic, milquetoast and braindead movies I’ve ever had to sit through, and I’ve sat through some real horseshit. On the other hand, I love horror movies, and those are a tough sell on the women-folk. A woman who likes horror movies is a goddess who should be treated as such, unless of course, she likes janky-ass PG-13 bullcrap like “The Ring.”
I’ve dated some women who don’t like action movies. There’s another stumbling block. I’ve become a little more discriminating about action cinema as I’ve gotten older, but I still have a soft spot for brutes like Arnold and Sly as well as slapfighters like Steven Seagal and ballerinas like Jean-Claude Van Damme. I can understand that some gals might not like all the beefcake on display, but who doesn’t like explosions? That’s just un-American.
Foreign films and indies — these can go either way. I like some films from both categories, but not all of them. Subtitles don’t trip me up, and neither do heady pieces with unhappy endings. A gal’s mileage may vary here, not unlike my own. You have to be careful with these types of films when you’re first getting to know someone. Foreign and low-budget filmmakers don’t scrimp on the male and female nudity, which could make for some uncomfortable viewing with a person you’ve just met.
In my last relationship — which was so long ago, Bush I was president — we made the dumb mistake of quid pro quo movie-going. We’d go to something she wanted to see then something I wanted to see. Don’t ever do that. You’ll find yourself sitting through turds like “Kicking and Screaming” or “Just Like Heaven,” movies that will make you wish you’d been born an orangutang. It simply ain’t worth being able to drag her to something with no socially redeeming value.
So what about you? Does your signifcant other’s taste in movies have much of an impact on your cinema-going or is it a non-issue?
-Brad Lohan
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