Halloween Mediocre Nights

Filed Under Cult Films, Movies, Theme Parks

Last year and the year before that, I had an excellent time at Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights. This year, not so much. Like many of the horror movies the event is based upon, it had some good moments, but at times it was a bit too draggy or simply downright boring.

I went with a buddy of mine from work, which was definitely a saving grace. I hadn’t minded being alone so much the previous two years, since it’s a little scarier that way. This time around, I probably would’ve lost my damn mind, not having anyone to B.S. with between some of the more tepid attractions.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There were some great mazes; Friday the 13th: Camp Blood, A Nightmare on Elm Street: Home Sweet Hell, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Back in Business were all top notch. Beyond that, the only other really good reason to go is the elaborate theming and the chainsaw-wielding costumed characters who lurk in every corner of the park. I loved walking through the section of the Upper Lot that’s made to look like a zombie plague has broken out, or seeing the bullet-riddled, reanimated corpse of Tony Montana from “Scarface” shambling around.

I was just let down by the stunt show, “SlaughterWorld 3,” as well as the Backlot Tour — two attractions that I’d love to pieces in ‘06 and ‘07. The former felt the third installment of any trilogy, forced and uneven. The latter took us on a walking tour of a portion of the backlot, but the path was teeming with slow-moving, yellow-bellied tourists, making it one incredibly long slog with too few scares. I said at one point, “This feels like the f***ing 405!”

The event is only 4 hours long, an ongoing sticking point for me. It’s a mathematical impossibility to do everything, unless you have a Front-of-the-Line Pass. I still haven’t seen Chucky’s Insult Emporium, though it’s been running for the past three years, because there’s nowhere to fit it in among all the other attractions. In retrospect, we should’ve skipped SlaughterWorld. Of course, it took us 40 merciless minutes to get into the park because security’s tighter than LAX. That was a colossal time-suck, and it was just to walk through a friggin’ turnstile.

What I think Universal should do is admit about half of their usual sellout capacity into the park and host the event on twice as many nights. That would split the wait-times for everything (theoretically) in two. Everyone would have a better shot at doing everything and maybe even some things twice. What’s more, if you do something that’s the pits, you didn’t just flush 45 minutes to an hour of your evening down the toilet.

At any rate, a weaker than usual Halloween Horror Nights is still better than none at all. It’s unrealistic to expect everything to go off without a hitch, I suppose. They’d just raised the bar so high the previous two years, I was hoping for no less than perfection. But just like the churro I ate last night, the event is becoming a little stale.

-Brad Lohan

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