RIP “At the Movies”

Filed Under Culture

I always made time to watch Siskel and Ebert when I was younger. Curious about how two curmudgeonly oldsters weighed in on movies I enjoyed, I tuned in to their show every Sunday afternoon during my adolescent years. I still remember how Gene Siskel said that “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze” was “just as boring and violent as the first,” and that episode aired in 1991. I maintain that the second film is less violent than the original Ninja Turtles movie because they weren’t allowed to use their weapons and had to beat up the badguys with sausage links and yo-yos.

Siskel and Ebert were all over the bloody map in terms of film criticism. I was blown out of my chair the other day when I watched a clip from one of their old episodes where they gave Clint Eastwood’s “Unforgiven” two thumbs-down. Keep in mind, this same pair endlessly praised the earlier efforts of none other than Steven Seagal. Siskel even listed “Under Siege” as one of the 10 best films of 1992. It’s a great movie, but let’s be real here. It was the 11th best film of 1992.

Nonetheless, the pair were synonymous with film criticism throughout much of my lifetime. Idiots I went to high school with would often tell me that I should be “a Siskel and Ebert” [sic] when I grow up. The pair were an institution, putting faces and names to film criticism, and making it somewhat accessible to the masses. You’d feel empowered when they agreed with you, and alternately think they’re just a couple of arty-farty schmucks when they’d pan something you liked. Oh, and when they disagreed with each other, that was just great television.

When Gene Siskel died suddenly in 1999, I felt the show never fully recovered. Numerous guest critics rotated in and out of Siskel’s vacant seat, including the semi-articulate oddball Harry Knowles from Ain’t-It-Cool.com. Richard Roeper ultimately became the permanent replacement, and boy, what a terrible choice he proved to be. I couldn’t bring myself to give him any credibility whatsoever after he praised Tim Burton’s shit-awful “Planet of the Apes” remake and went on to remark that it was better than the original. Holy Jesus!

Ebert’s failing health and poor decision-making on the part of the network would see a pair of newer, supposedly hipper hosts for “At the Movies.” The thumbs were replaced by a three-tiered “See It,” “Rent It,” “Skip It” rating system, and the viewers had the vacuousness of saucer-eyed weenis Ben Lyons inflicted upon them. Dude makes Richard Roeper look like Andre Bazin. Now there’s an esoteric film criticism reference for you.

Now, “At the Movies” is over and done with. Film critique has evolved, or devolved, into a more internet-based system of aggregation and compilation. It’s become more siloed and niche with all the movie geek sites, and practically any boob with a blog can weigh in now. I mean look at me. I have no business reviewing movies. I never even saw 2005’s Best Picture winner “Crash.” I did see David Cronenberg’s 1996 NC-17 sex-with-scar-tissue movie “Crash,” though. I make Ben Lyons look like Richard Roeper.

-Brad Lohan

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