Mar
8
Nerd Rage | J. Evert Jones
Filed Under Culture
Now I know what the shepherd in Ezekiel 25:17 feels like, beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Or maybe not. At any rate, someone made fun of me on the Internet again, so it is time to salute Mr. J. Evert Jones for his response to my “Back to the Future” blog, wittily entitled “Claudia Wells > Elizabeth Shue.”
If I remember the piece correctly, I suggested that actress Claudia Wells, who played Marty’s girlfriend Jennifer in the first “Back to the Future,” essayed a performance that was superior to Elizabeth Shue’s turns as Jennifer in “Back to the Future, Part II” and “Back to the Future, Part III.” Some say there are more pressing things to discuss. Libya, for one. Charlie Sheen, for another. Nay, say I. However, Libyan terrorists do machine gun Doc Brown to death at the beginning of “Back to the Future,” and Charlie Sheen would someday replace Michael J. Fox on “Spin City.” And so, there is in fact some tenuous way for me to shoehorn those of-the-moment topics into a blog about BTTF.
I think I may have adult-onset autism.
But I digress. What was I talking about? Oh, yes. J. Evert Jones and his remarks. Here they are, unedited:
“I’m sorry you didn’t like Ms. Shue’s bow in the BTTF series, but I think you missed an important plot point– that of the danger of interacting with yourself while time travelling.
“Remember, Jennifer had to be knocked out by Doc Brown with his MIB prototype (!). This action caused an insufficient “knockout charge” administered to Marty Jr. And then, the dominoes fell; the fight/chase with Griff putting him in front of the clock tower, the idea of buying the sports almanac, etc.”
In particular, I like how he used the word “bow” when describing Elizabeth Shue’s performance. Since she spent the bulk of both movies in a state of unconsciousness, I think maybe he’s overreaching with his actorly terminology. Also, he brings up the idea of interacting with oneself during time travel, but his subsequent paragraph doesn’t bother to elaborate on this ever so important “plot point.” Even worse, he mischaracterizes the function of the neuralizer in “Men in Black,” which is designed to blank someone’s short-term memory, not render them unconscious. What a maroon!
Point is, Claudia Wells played Jennifer Parker with a sultriness that’s lacking in Shue’s take on the role. As played by Wells, Jennifer is the ultimate high school sweetheart. Shue’s Jennifer is cloying and kind of dim; she reminds me of my actual high school sweetheart. Don’t get me wrong. I love Shue in “Leaving Las Vegas,” a film I like to think is a spiritual sequel to “Back to the Future, Part III.” I imagine that Jennifer eventually broke up with Marty, relocated from Hill Valley to Sin City, and reinvented herself as a prostitute named Sera. But that’s a topic for a whole ‘nother blog to be ripped apart by Internet trolls.
-Brad Lohan
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One Response to “Nerd Rage | J. Evert Jones”
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Well Brad, if I’m to be slammed on the interwebs, then let it be by people as you, who would channel the legendary Bugs Bunny, by calling me a maroon. Well played, sir!