Jun
22
Commercials Before Movies
Filed Under Movies
So I went to the movies this afternoon to give “The Incredible Hulk” another shot at impressing me, but before the film began, I had to sit through a dippy commercial for Coca-Cola, the one with political pundits James Carville and Bill Frist. Have you seen this unholy nightmare? If not, let me explain. See, at the beginning of the commercial, they’re bickering with one another on some talking head show. Then they both say the same thing at the same time. Frist calls, “Jinx!” and for some reason, they go on a Coke-fueled tour around Washington, D.C.
I hate this commercial. I hate that I’ve seen it enough times that I can describe it in detail. I hate going to the movies and having to sit through commercials on top of being annoyed by people sending text messages and saying stupid things to their companions.
Now I understand that it’s expensive to own and operate a movie house. When I was working at the Regal Cinemas in college (”The ass-end of the entertainment business,” I lovingly referred to it at the time), I remember my boss told me once that the movie studios demand a ginormous percentage of the opening weekend box office take. That percentage shrinks in the weekends that follow. Movies with “legs” — ones that play longer than a month, like “Juno” or “Little Miss Sunshine” — are actually more profitable for theater chains than those that open big and die out quickly.
But studios don’t care if their movies are making money for the theater chains. Those same movie houses need to keep making room for the fusillade of more flickershows. More films with more huge openings means more money for the studios. Paramount’s put out four movies in less than two months: “Iron Man,” “Indiana Jones,”"Kung Fu Panda” and “The Love Guru.” That’s just one studio.
And so, now I’ve got to watch James Carville and Bill Frist doing Coke every time I catch a flick. Can I just add that as a registered Democrat, I disavow James Carville as a representative of the party with which I am affiliated? I’ve always thought he was a sneering little creepazoid. If anyone could turn me on to Pepsi, it’s that dome-headed weasel and this ad campaign.
At any rate, movie chains are desperate to eke out a profit any way they can. It sure as hell isn’t from summer blockbusters that usually have a dropoff of 50% or more at the box office in their second weekend. That’s why concession prices are so steep, and no, the zit-faced goofus behind the counter isn’t getting a piece of the action. He makes less an hour than you spent on your ticket. I think that in unadjusted dollars, I was making a little north of $5/hour when I was at Regal. So yeah, movie chains pay their employees bupkiss to help with their bottom line. Remember that when you’re needlessly being a jerkstore to one for not having in stock whatever esoteric brand of candy you like.
There are two ArcLight Cinemas in the L.A. area — one in Hollywood and another in the Valley. They’re a little pricier than AMC or Landmark. Tickets hover around $13 or $14. My matinee ticket for “Hulk” this afternoon was less than half of that. But the ArcLight has better picture and sound quality than most venues. Even when I saw “The Aviator” on Christmas day and the film broke about midway through, it looked and sounded phenominal while breaking. What I like best about the ArcLight is that they don’t show commercials before movies. On top of that, they only show four trailers — sometimes just one or two. By the time the actual movie begins, you haven’t forgotten whatever it is you came to see.
But I still have a soft spot for the theater chains. Even though I hate the commercials, there’s just something about being in a dimly-lit auditorium. I can’t replicate that at home, not on my 27″ analog TV with a PS2 for playing DVDs. Personally I prefer the older venues, theaters that have been around for decades, not the newer ones with stadium seating for all the dwarfs who didn’t eat their vegetables. I love movie houses with some history to them and restrooms with the sharp cherry-flavored smell of a half-dozen urinal cakes. I like to imagine myself being in the same auditorium that’s shown hundreds — thousands — of great movies over the years…especially before James Carville and Bill Frist got turned on to Coke.
-Brad Lohan
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[…] I pretty much have to put up with the hemming and hawing people do at the concession stand, and the commercials and the texting. I also kind of like to bitch and moan. Fortunately, going to the movies a lot […]