“Archie” #600

Filed Under Comics

I stopped reading weekly comics earlier this summer, but I’ll still occasionally pick up a milestone issue, like “Archie” #600. Although I collected comics for 18 years, I think the only other Archie book I ever bought was “Archie Meets the Punisher” way back in ‘93. Archie comics simply never appealed to me. Had he been bitten by a radioactive spider or adopted by a billionaire crimefighter, I probably would’ve added his titles to my pull list. But a teenager who doesn’t sling webs or ride shotgun in the Batmobile is hardly a comic book character that warrants my interest.

That being said, I was still had to check out the 600th issue of “Archie,” where he finally pops the question to Veronica and breaks poor Betty’s heart.

The issue — written by “Batman” film producer Michael Uslan! — begins with Archie and the gang as they graduate from high school. Not having applied for college yet, Archie’s feeling pressured to experience what we writers like to call “character development.” He goes for a walk to contemplate his future. The story then miraculously flashes forward four years after he finds a street called “Memory Lane,” which he chooses to walk up rather than down; no, it doesn’t make sense on the page, either. At any rate, Archie’s now a college grad, yet still uncertain about his what he should do with his life. So he does what any listless young person in his position would do: he decides to get married. In a colossally boneheaded move, he blows his graduation money on an engagement ring for Veronica, who accepts before going on a three-month cruise without him.

Betty, meanwhile, is shattered by the news that now Jughead’s the only eligible bachelor in Riverdale. The issue ends on a cliffhanger when Veronica calls Betty and asks her to be her maid of honor. “Gossip Girl” wishes it had this much drama!

“Archie” #600 is the first issue in a six-part storyarc. I don’t know if I’m curious enough to pick up the next chapter. Again, weekly comics have lost their appeal and very few multi-part comic book sagas ever stick the landing. However, marriages in comic books tend to last. Superman and Lois Lane are still married and so are Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman. But Spider-Man and MJ divorced in the most fantastical way I’ve ever seen by making a contract with the devil Mephisto who retconned their entire marriage. I guess that helped them avoid having to decide who gets the flatscreen.

Will Archie and Veronica live happily ever after? As long as the Punisher doesn’t crash the wedding, I think anything’s possible.

-Brad Lohan

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