Mar
26
My Favorite L.A. Haunts
Filed Under Books, Comics, Cult Films, Culture, Indies, Movies, Theatre, Toys | 1 Comment
I need to get out more. That’s probably what some people think about me. Thing is, I actually don’t spend very much time at home. I do stuff. I go places. I’m not into dive bars or nightclubs, though. I like places that cater to my unique tastes: cult movies, comic books, sketch comedy, arcane collectibles and so forth. I also like hamburgers.
That said, here’s a list of my top 10 favorite haunts in the L.A. area:
This is easily my favorite movie house in L.A. I’ve been to more midnight movies here than I can count. The most recent one I saw was “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” They also show very obscure art films in extremely limited release. I can’t wait to see “Anvil” next month.
Looking for hard-to-find CDs or DVDs? I’d recommend Amoeba. Short on cash? Sell them your used DVDs and CDs for store credit or some greenbacks. Unfortunately, they used to have a more generous buyback policy than they do now. A few years ago, I walked away with almost $200 for a stack of ill-informed blind buys they gladly took off my hands. More recently, I left with about $18. Still, their selection of rare and used DVDs is significantly better than the bargain bin at your local Blockbuster.
This is where Paul Dini and Joss Whedon buy their comics. I know because I’ve seen them there. If you’ve never heard of them, well, you probably don’t read comics, watch cartoons or like cult TV shows. At any rate, HOS also knocks at least 10% off your purchases, and you don’t even need to have a pull file. Someone even spraypainted “Who Watches the WATCHMF” on the outside of their building. I don’t advocate vandalism, nor poor spelling, but that’s still kind of cool.
Right next door to the Nuart is the best video store in all of Los Angeles. Where else will you find a place that has a “Charles Bronson” section? Cinefile categorizes their movies by filmmaker, subgenre and even “Holy F***ing S***!” titles. This is where real cineastes rent or buy films. Brett Ratner goes here, too.
I’ll drive all the way from the Westside to Hollywood to catch a movie at the Dome every now and then. The last one was, of course, “Watchmen.” Here’s a theater that has some great filmmaker Q&As and screening series. I also found a book called “Playboy: Redheads” in their gift shop once. I couldn’t put it down!
I don’t like shopping in big box bookstores. I find their horror and film selections to be lacking. Oh, Barnes & Noble has a lot of books, but none that are rare or used. Dark Delicacies carries all manner of out-of-print titles, and the staff is immensely helpful. They also line up some great author and filmmaker signings. I got Lloyd Kaufman to autograph my copy of “Toxic Avenger: The Novel,” a book that’s quite a fetching read!
I don’t understand my fascination with the 1950s. Maybe it’s because my parents were born back then. I have no idea. Whatever the reason, I have nostalgia for a period in which I never lived. Fortunately, there’s a Cafe ’50s just a short walk from my apartment, and in my opinion, it’s the best in L.A.; there’s one in Venice and another in Sherman Oaks. I almost always get a hamburger and an Oreo cookie milkshake — with frozen yogurt instead of ice cream, of course. You can even play board games like Connect Four while waiting for your food. Fun fact: I really suck at Connect Four!
The sketch comedy shows at the Groundlings are always funnier than any Judd Apatow bromance picture now playing in theaters. There are some incredibly hysterical unknown actors — and a few known ones — performing either improv or scripted material every night. I personally prefer the scripted shows; improv can be a mixed bag.
Buying back your childhood? Well, if you’re constantly being outbid on eBay, try Blast From the Past. Here you’ll find all manner of collectibles from your childhood that you broke or wantonly discarded. The toys on the pegs here are way cooler than all the “Ben 10″ bullshit I see at Toys ‘R Us now.
The Third Street Promenade isn’t just a homeless talent show. Yes, there you’ll probably see the fat guy who paints himself silver and wears silver clothes and wants you to give him money because he can stand really still. But you’ll also find the Puzzle Zoo, another great place to pick up hard-to-find action figures from your childhood. It’s definitely a better way to spend your money than giving it to some d-bag with a guitar who sings U2 songs that I don’t even like when Bono sings them.
So those are the places that I spent most of my free time and my discretionary income. Check ‘em out.
-Brad Lohan
Mar
23
Why Did Alex Proyas Direct “Knowing?”
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Every so often, filmmakers surprise you by taking on projects that seem to be out of their comfort zone. They’ll challenge themselves with something risky that’s either incredibly successful or the movie that has them sent to director jail for life without the possibility of parole. It’s rare, but there are times when a film won’t quite hit and won’t quite miss — like “Watchmen,” for example — and the filmmaker can walk away unscathed. At any rate, filmmakers usually stick with what they’re good at and avoid projects that could potentially blow everyone away or bury their career.
If a filmmaker’s good in a number of different genres or one specifically, it’s not really disappointing when he keeps doing the same thing over and over again. But it’s not all that exciting, either. I’ve passed on a couple of the more recent Ridley Scott and Tim Burton movies because they just seemed so samey. Filmmakers should constantly be trying to evolve. Steven Spielberg’s grown up. There’s no reason why George Lucas can’t.
But what about the directors who aren’t household names? Take Alex Proyas. Who the hell is he? Well, he’s the director of “The Crow.” He also made “Dark City,” a movie that Roger Ebert loved so much, he recorded his own commentary track for the DVD. I know I’ve seen “Dark City,” but I was very drunk at the time. So about the only think I remember about the film is the title. Still, I absolutely love “The Crow” and consider it to be one of the quintessential films of the ’90s. Being Proyas’ first film, it shows he has a lot of potential as a director.
So what went wrong with him? Last weekend, “Knowing” hit theaters. Directed by Proyas, it stars Nicolas Cage — who used to be literally my favorite film actor — as a math nerd who discovers a coded message from the past that predicts the end of the world. On paper, I guess the movie sounds much more interesting than the film’s crap trailer led me to believe. The movie currently has a 23% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Of course, Roger Ebert gave it four stars; he totally wants to make out with Alex Proyas. I have not seen the film, nor will I. I believe you can form an opinion of a movie based on its shitty ad campaign. I’m not one of those schmucks who insists on seeing something that looks patently stupid before he can justify his negative opinion of it. If the best stuff from “Knowing” is in the trailer, then I’m sure I’m not missing anything.
In the 15 years since “The Crow” was released, Alex Proyas has made “Dark City,” an indie called “Garage Days” that I’d completely forgotten about, and two studio pictures: “I, Robot” and “Knowing.” To date, his resume is fairly unremarkable. I saw “I, Robot” mostly because of Proyas’ involvement. But he did the picture for 20th Century Fox — the least director-friendly studio in the world. Going in, I should’ve known it would be a weak effort. And I think therein lies the problem with Proyas’ output.
Alex Proyas is not Tim Burton. He’s not a director who’s well known. You won’t see “An Alex Proyas Film” on the poster or in the trailer. That said, he probably doesn’t have the clout to get a film made. So he has to go hat in hand to the studios and offer up his services as a gun-for-hire. Studios love to flirt with edgy filmmakers but will ultimately micromanage the hell out of everything. A movie like “I, Robot” might be successful, but not because of Proyas’ compromised vision. It’s because it’s a Will Smith sci-fi/action movie that anybody could’ve directed.
“Knowing” doesn’t really strike me as a movie that Alex Proyas really challenged himself with. It’s a paycheck film. Paycheck movies are necessary evils, I suppose. I just wish Proyas would take home a hefty paycheck for making a movie I want to see.
-Brad Lohan
Mar
11
Rob Zombie is currently filming “H2,” the wholly unnecessary sequel to his wholly unnecessary remake of “Halloween,” a movie that’s so bad, it’s now playing in hell. Zombie’s attempt to reinvent John Carpenter’s incredibly influential original film is as inept as a movie can be. I’m truly surprised Zombie even knew which direction to point the camera. And I used to be a fan of his music! But his movies are simply dreck.
Before “Halloween,” Zombie wrote and directed “House of 1,000 Corpses” and “The Devil’s Rejects.” I didn’t like “House of 1,000 Corpses” very much, so I passed on “The Devil’s Rejects” during its theatrical release. Ever since, I kept hearing that “Rejects” was actually good. Pish-posh, said I! After sitting through Zombie’s “Halloween,” I was dead certain the man couldn’t even accidentally make a watchable movie.
Well, a pretty girl can talk me into just about anything. And so, a couple weekend back, a pretty girl talked me into watching “The Devil’s Rejects.” At first, I was overjoyed that I was dating someone who enjoyed horror films. Now I’m kind of glad she kicked me to the curb last weekend. “The Devil’s Rejects” is balls. It’s perhaps the worst movie Zombie’s made to date. That’s really saying something.
The film is about the titular Rejects, a trio of homicidal rednecks who are on the run from the law. As the Rejects, Sid Haig, Bill Moseley and Sheri Moon-Zombie (guess which one is married to the director) essay some unusually bad performances. That being said, Rob Zombie’s script is lousy with unspeakable dialogue, and he’s clearly not an actor’s director. The movie is more interested in rounding out the cast with actors from thirty-year-old horror classics than getting semi-decent performances out of them.
“The Devil’s Rejects” careens from one clumsy scene to the next, not really building towards anything. They take some hostages at a motel and kill them all. That sort of defeats the purpose of hostage-taking, but these dipshits are overwhelmingly stupid. Fortunately, the DVD began to skip, so I missed most of the final third. I was thrilled. In retrospect, I assume the disc was scratched because the DVD had attempted suicide. I support assisted suicide for DVDs with crap movies pressed into them.
I’m still a little disappointed that what’s-her-name dropped me like a hot potato after a week or so. But at the very least, I won’t be dragged to “H2″ when it hits theaters. I’m as free as a bird now.
-Brad Lohan
Feb
16
Lesser Known Lunatics
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The overwhelming success of “Friday the 13th” at the box office last weekend ($42 million in 3 days!) is pretty bizarre, considering how the brand had run itself into the ground two decades ago. What’s more, the film seems to be almost universally loved by fans and average movie-goers alike. Even Roger Ebert said it was the best of its kind.
I, of course, did not like the movie. I thought it was perhaps the most unremarkable entry in the franchise. Say what you will about the later installments. At least they tried something different each time. I’ll take zombie Jason, or cyborg Jason, or “Freddy vs. Jason” any day of the week over the new film. Even “Jason Goes to Hell” is worth watching for its imaginative kills. Apart from Willa Ford’s comeuppance in the latest movie, the slaughter is as forgettable as its perfunctory dialogue.
At any rate, what does the ginormous box office of “Friday the 13th” mean for the slasher genre? Expect more reboots. That pretty much goes without saying. But which moribund franchises have yet to be ‘tarded up for contemporary audiences? I know that a director’s been hired for a needless reboot of “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” Fred Krueger is the last truly iconic slasher. After him, there are the also-rans.
That said, some of the lesser known lunatics actually got off to a promising start. So who are these freakshows and should we be dreading potential reboots?
The Flick: “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer”
The Skinny: A professor of mine in film school hailed this as one of the best movies of the ’80s. It is indeed quite excellent. A slasher film that casts the slasher as the protagonist, “Henry” boldy eschews the trappings of the genre and explores the consequences of being a murdering psychopath. Actor Michael Rooker brings a creepy charisma to the titular role, and director John McNaughton resensitizes cynical gorehounds to violence. The scene where Henry and his roommate Otis videotape a multiple murder is especially chilling.
Were There Sequels? Yes, one shitty DTV installment with a doughy no-name playing Henry. I only saw this because Blockbuster Video pulled a switcheroo on me and I wound up renting “Henry 2: Mask of Sanity” instead of “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.” This was before I’d even seen the first film, so imagine my horror.
Is a Reboot in the Works: Not that I know of.
The Flick: “Hellraiser”
The Skinny: It took me a long time to warm up to this movie. It’s kind of a slasher movie and kind of not. If you’re expecting Pinhead and his Cenobite buddies to be traipsing around town, wreaking all sorts of sadomasochistic havok, well, you’ll be disappointed. The first one is pretty heavy on the gore, but most of the killing is carried out by one of the human characters in the film. And that’s what’s interesting about it. The real monsters in the movie are a human and a guy trying to become human again.
Were There Sequels? Oh, yes. Three more installments were released theatrically, and an additional four went straight-to-video. Only the second film is worth watching, though I passed on all the DTV chapters.
Is a Reboot in the Works? Unfortunately.
The Flick: “Candyman”
The Skinny: Slasher movies are usually confined to arenas in which the heroes are cut off from civilization. But this film is primarily set in the inner city and addresses our fears of being in the wrong neighborhood on top of having to deal with an unstoppable killing machine. The titular Candyman is from a ghost story about the revenge-seeking hook-handed son of a freed slave who appears when you say his name five times in the mirror. Virginia Madsen’s character makes the mistake of summoning him while doing research for a term paper on urban folklore. This movie was made before there was Google.
Were There Sequels? Two — one theatrical and one DTV. I only saw the second movie, which is pretty forgettable.
Is a Reboot in the Works? Unfortunately.
The Flick: “Dr. Giggles”
The Skinny: An escaped mental patient goes on a killing spree, using all sorts of surgical tools and tossing off doctor jokes left and right. Larry Drake’s great in this, but even his nervous tittering wasn’t enough to put asses in seats. A general malaise towards slasher films had set in by the early-’90s. Still, I love to namecheck this movie whenever someone asks me a trivia question I don’t know the answer to. The title’s just too much fun to say.
Were There Sequels? The good doctor was never seen or heard from again.
Is a Reboot in the Works? Not that I know of.
-Brad Lohan
Feb
11
“Inglourious Basterds” Teaser
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I remember meeting Eli Roth on the set of a Troma movie back in early-’03. Wow, that was 6 years ago. He hadn’t directed “Hostel” yet, but I already knew who he was; he’d done a commentary track for Troma’s “Bloodsucking Freaks,” which I own on DVD.
It’s been interesting for me to see Roth’s rise to fame, thanks in no small part to Quentin Tarantino. Tarantino produced both “Hostel” films and cast Roth in a small role in “Death Proof.” Now Roth’s in “Inglourious Basterds,” shouting things like “Ten hut!” and hitting a Nazi in the head with a baseball bat. I clearly should’ve made an effort to keep in touch with him.
At any rate, the teaser for “Inglourious Basterds,” a film that sticks it to both grammar Nazis and regular Nazis, is up on Yahoo! Movies. It’s also going to debut in front of “Friday the 13th” this weekend. I think it looks fantastic. August 21st can’t get here soon enough.
-Brad Lohan
Jan
29
The Stupidest “Thing” I’ve Heard All Day
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There was a time — oh, so long ago — when remakes were few and far between. They were also damn good. “Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” “The Fly” and “The Thing” rank as some of my favorites. There’s been talk for awhile now about a sequel or a prequel to “The Thing.” Well, apparently a prequel’s being scripted, according to Chud.com. Prequels to remakes always seem weird to me, but I digress. At any rate, in the 1982 remake, the heroes battle a shape-shifting beastie in Antarctica that was apparently unearthed by a Norwegian expedition. The prequel will be about those ill-fated Norwegians.
What’s really, really stupid about this whole idea is that the heretofore unmentioned brother of Kurt Russell’s character in “The Thing” is supposed to be the lead. Now I’ve seen the movie a dozen times. MacReady never, ever says anything about having a brother who’s chillin’ with the Norwegians. One would think this particular bit of information would come up at some point, especially when he and another character arrive at the Norwegians’ camp and find it’s in ruins and full of dead bodies. I imagine a bit of dialogue like, “Man alive, I hope my brother got out of here,” would’ve been uttered. It’s possibly MacReady didn’t like his brother, but still.
If Universal’s desperate to cash in on “The Thing,” I don’t see why they simply make a direct sequel. The movie’s open-ended as hell. This would be a much better approach. In fact, MacReady’s brother would be a better fit here, leading a rescue operation that arrives at what’s left of American base camp, the one where the Thing is still lurking. What are the filmmakers Thing-king?
-Brad Lohan
Jan
27
Dated Dystopia
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Last Saturday instead of running a bunch of errands like I usually do, I decided to stay home and revisit some movies I hadn’t seen in awhile. I noticed during my mini-marathon (the overarching theme was “dated dystopia”) that certain story conventions were being repeated — little character bits or plot devices that I guess could be considered cliches. At any rate, I thought I’d point out funny little similarities among the four films. The movies I watched were as follows:
“V for Vendetta”
“The Running Man”
“RoboCop”
“Darkman”
And here’s a by-the-numbers list of recurring themes:
Number of movies in which the big bad offers the hero a job after the hero’s killed all of his henchmen: 2 (“The Running Man” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero is disfigured and/or dismembered: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the media is controlled by the state: 2 (“V for Vendetta” & “The Running Man”).
Number of movies in which we see what’s on TV in the future: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “The Running Man” & “RoboCop”).
Number of movies in which a corrupt businessman is revealed to be the main villain: 2 (“RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which we see a scale model of a futuristic city: 2 (“RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero has amnesia: 2 (“V for Vendetta” & “RoboCop”).
Number of movies in which the hero wears a mask: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero is bald: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero has superhuman strength: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero does not get the girl: 3 (“V for Vendetta,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies in which the hero is killed or believed to be dead: 4 (“V for Vendetta,” “The Running Man,” “RoboCop” & “Darkman”).
Number of movies actually based on a comic book: 1 (“V for Vendetta”).
-Brad Lohan
Jan
23
“Star Trek: Nemesis” Review
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“Star Trek: Insurrection” received a lukewarm reception when it was released in 1998, and it would be another four years before another “Trek” film would hit theaters. Paramount decided to shake things up a bit with movie ten. The studio hired John Logan, hot off the success of “Gladiator,” to write the script and Stuart Baird — the guy who, uh, directed “Executive Decision,” the only movie Steven Seagal dies in — to helm the film; Jonathan “Two Takes” Frakes had directed the previous two “Trek” entries.
As a film editor, Stuart Baird is top notch, having spliced some of my favorite genre flicks, “Superman: The Movie,” “Lethal Weapon,” “Casino Royale,” etc. His directorial efforts, however, are fairly blah. “Star Trek: Nemesis” is his weakest movie and in my opinion the absolute worst “Trek” installment to date. It tanked at the box office and kiboshed any subsequent films featuring the Next Generation crew. So, what went wrong? I’d have to say just about everything.
“Star Trek: Nemesis” is clearly trying to reinvent itself for a broader audience. It’s darker, more action-oriented and retarded — three key components in most summer blockbusters. Unfortunately, in their attempts to expand the franchise’s appeal, the filmmakers ended up with a movie that no one, not even a diehard Trekker, would enjoy in the slightest.
In the film, the crew of the Enterprise-E is sent to the planet Romulus where they meet Shinzon, a clone of Captain Picard. Never mind that Shinzon looks nothing like Picard; he’s at least thirty years Picard’s junior and dresses like one of the Sectaurs. We learn that Shinzon spent the bulk of his youth as a slave in the mines of Romulus’ sister planet, Remus. For whatever reason, he’s now a Reman Praetor and mad at the world and sitting on a doomsday weapon and who cares? I’ve seen this movie twice now, and I seem to understand it less each time. “Dune” makes more sense than this movie.
Along the way, the Enterprise crew also happen upon an android similar to Data named B-4. Why is he called B-4? Well, he was made before Data. Ugh.
The movie doesn’t feel like a “Star Trek” film. It’s so dour and joyless. Commander Riker and Deanna Troi get married at the top of the film, but Picard’s toast to them has this weird undercurrent of bitterness that’s supposed to come across as jovial. It really just sounds like he’s butt-hurt about still being single and pissed that he’s losing his Number One guy.
The problem with the Next Generation films is that they never really found their stride. After the success of “First Contact,” the filmmakers should’ve continued to mine the television series for characters who deserve the big-screen treatment. Where the hell’s a movie with Q as the villain? I’ve probably seen about a dozen episodes of TNG, but even I know that Q was one of the series’ A-list big bads. A putz like Shinzon doesn’t hold a candle to Q.
It’s disappointing that the Next Generation crew goes out with a whimper in “Nemesis.” I found myself getting into the characters more than I’d expected to while watching the last four films. I might even start renting episodes of the series — definitely anything with the Borg — in the coming weeks.
That about wraps up my reviews of the “Star Trek” movies. Live, blog and prosper.
-Brad Lohan
Jan
21
“Star Trek: Insurrection” Review
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Once the success of “First Contact” had assured Paramount that the Next Generation crew could carry a “Trek” film without any special guest stars from the original series, the studio fast-tracked “Insurrection,” movie nine in the franchise. It’s a lighter, PG-rated caper. I found myself not hating it, though I don’t adhere to the conventional wisdom among cynical genre fans that darker is better when it comes to science fiction. Still, it’s definitely not “The Voyage Home.”
In the film, Captain Picard and the Enterprise crew learn that Data’s gone haywire on a planet full of space hippies called the Ba’ku. After he subdues Data with a little help from Gilbert and Sullivan (I am not making this up), Picard discovers that the radiation surrounding the world can reverse the aging process. Naturally, the Son’a — a race of creatures who look vaguely like Mickey Rourke — have developed a technology to harness the age-defying rads. It’ll make the planet uninhabitable, but the unscrupulous Admiral Dougherty (Anthony Zerbe) plans to relocate the Ba’ku, whether they want to go or not.
At any rate, Picard removes those four little golden pins from his collar — the “Trek” equivalent of throwing away one’s badge! — and comes to the aid of the Ba’ku against Federation orders. That the incredibly gorgeous and unmarried Anij (Donna Murphy) is one of the Ba’ku probably has a lot to do with his decision to put his career in jeopardy. Never mind that Anij is north of 300 years old. Donna Murphy is an actress who looks like your friend’s unfairly hot mom.
F. Murray Abraham also stars as Ru’afo, the Son’a big bad; on a side note, there are simply too many apostrophes in this film. I like villains who are creepy and gruesome, and Ru’afo has a couple moments that work for me. In one scene, he yells, “No!” and his head starts bleeding. However, in the pantheon of “Trek” villains, he’s not anywhere near as menacing as Khan or the Borg Queen from “First Contact.”
I’m slowly developing a tolerance for Data, who befriends one of the Ba’ku children. That said, listening to Data lament that he doesn’t have a bedtime is enough to make me want to hurl myself bodily out the window. This movie is packed to the gills with cutesiness. Apparently, the word “boobs” is still common parlance in the 24th century. Why can’t people talk about breasts like adults and euphemistically refer to the them as “sweater puppies?”
The special effects notwithstanding, the film feels like an extended episode of the television show rather than a movie-film. It’s just not epic enough. It presents an interesting enough moral question. But in the previous installment, Earth was in danger in two separate timelines. In “Insurrection,” there just isn’t that sense of grandiosity that would suggest this story can only be told on the big screen.
Well, I’ve got one to go.
Next: “Star Trek: Nemesis.”
-Brad Lohan
Jan
19
“Star Trek: First Contact” Review
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The first time I ever cut class, it was to see “Star Trek: First Contact.” And yes, ladies, I’m available. In fact, when the film was released in 1996, I’d just been dumped by this girl (no lie!) and was feeling a little rebellious. So, when a couple of my buddies informed me of their plans to catch a flick during classtime, I asked if I could join them. A couple months later, I’d ditch school again to see “Star Wars: Special Edition.” Maybe that explains why I’m now a struggling screenwriter with a movie blog and Zhanna Rotar is the IFBB Pro Figure Sensation.
“First Contact” is the “Wrath of Khan” of the Next Generation films. It draws inspiration from the “Best of Both Worlds” two-parter — the episodes in which Captain Picard is assimilated by the Borg — and is easily the best big screen voyage for the Next Generation crew. Unfortunately, the next two films, “Insurrection” and “Nemesis” are a one-two punch of sucktitude. But since I’m a completist, I’ll rent those bastards this week and review them.
In the film, the Borg travel back in time to the mid-21st century to assimilate Earth and prevent Zefram Cochran, inventor of the warp drive, from making first contact with an alien race. The Borg, for those of you who have social lives, are a hive-minded menagerie of cyber-beasties spanning hundreds of species from across the galaxy. I have a total hard-on for cyborgs — I bought a bunch of back issues of “Deathlok” last weekend — so the Borg are my favorite “Star Trek” villains. At any rate, Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-E follow the Borg back in time to save the future.
My lone gripe about the film is that Borg are kind of inconsistent in their assimilating ways. They want to assimilate everyone, but for whatever reason, if you behave in a non-threatening way, they’ll ignore you. So when they lay siege to the Enterprise, there are a couple weird scenes with our heroes nervously walking through corridors that are teeming with Borg who don’t pay them much interest. It’s sort of like watching people making their way through a half-assed haunted house — a big yawn. The heroes do mix it up with the Borg in a few scenes, but I wanted much more of that. I wanted “Die Hard” on the Enterprise.
Still, Patrick Stewart’s turn as Picard, who’s clearly unhinged and suffering post-traumatic stress from having been assimiliated, saves the A-story from being completely underwhelming. Picard’s even got the stones to call Worf a coward to his face. It’s a helluva performance.
The Zefram Cochran subplot is lighter, as we learn that the inventor of the warp drive, played by James Cromwell, is a drunk who wants nothing more than to make a mint off his designs for faster-than-light travel. Cromwell’s a lot of fun in the role, whether he’s hitting on Deanna Troi or unable to do the Vulcan hand salute.
In spite of its flaws, “First Contact” proves that the Next Generation crew has plenty of potential as a film franchise. It’s just too bad that the next installment is kind of rubbish.
Next: “Star Trek: Insurrection.”
-Brad Lohan