Aug
1
TR2N BL2WS
Filed Under Conventions, Movies | Leave a Comment
How do you pronounce “TR2N?” Folks, if you’re trying to be all clever — and you’re not, really — by putting a number in the place of a letter in your movie title, he’s a tip: make sure the number vaguely resembles the letter you’re swapping out. It’s titles like “TR2N” that make me nostalgic for that period in the late-’90s when every sequel was apparently the 2000th installment (“Blues Brothers 2000,” “Pokemon 2000,” “Godzilla 2000,” et al.).
I’m not a ginormous fan of “TRON.” Someone made an Atari game into a movie. Atari games aren’t fun to play; who the hell thought one would be fun to watch? I’ll grant you that the visuals are unique, but almost physically painful to watch for any sustained period of time. All the blinding neon and grainy black-and-white film stock creates a groady palette. I’ve tried to get into “TRON,” thinking I wasn’t being a good geek-boy. It just didn’t happen. The thing seemed so culty and obscure, it ultimately wasn’t worth the effort.
Now there’s a sequel, “TR2N.” Ain’t It Cool has a description of the ComiCon footage. I watched about 10 seconds of it that someone had shot on his camera phone and posted on YouTube. Again, the boredom quickly set in. You know what’s more exciting than light cycles? Napping. Eating a peanut butter sandwich. Peeing for longer than you normally do.
With video games as sophisticated as they are today, you’d think that most people would be way ahead of “TRON.” Nostalgia, it seems, keeps some of the lamest swill alive for no good reason. This isn’t “Star Wars.” Yeesh, in “Star Wars” they at least had laser guns and laser swords. In “TRON” they do battle with frisbees and all manner of Nerf equipment. It hinges on self-parody. I want to see people fight each other with weapons that at least vaguely resemble something that can kill you.
This is a movie for people who are not me. I’m not implying that there’s anything wrong with Tronlodytes. I’m sure I like something or other that they think is stupid. But, I’m sure we can all agree that nothing’s stupider than thinking the number 2 and the letter “O” are interchangeable.
-Brad L2han
Jun
24
Comic-Conned
Filed Under Blockbusters, Comics, Conventions, Movies, TV | 1 Comment
The San Diego Comic-Con is a month from now. I’m not going. I’ve never gone. I probably will never go. I don’t desperately need a Charlie Brown bobble-head, even if it is a convention exclusive. The truth of the matter is, Comic-Con has sold out. It’s gone Hollywood. It’s just a bloated, over-extended and smelly press junket. Dozens of hungover actors and filmmakers — the ones who couldn’t contractually get out of going to this monster — sit on panels and field inane questions from wheezing dweebs. Footage is screened from movies that are a year or so away from being released. That shot of Iron Man outmaneuvering fighter jets — it was first shown at last year’s Comic-Con. And it was also in pretty much every trailer for the movie until it was released last May. Some people got to see it before I did. I guess they win at life.
Now, I like comic book conventions. Make no mistake. There’s one at the Shrine Auditorium in Downtown L.A. every month or so, and I almost always go. And Wizard World L.A.? I’ve been to it the past three years. You can find some great deals, fill in any gaps in your collection, and smell 32 different flavors of body odor all under one roof when you go to a convention.
At the Shrine, it’s dizzying how many different items are on sale: comics, action figures, DVDs, movie posters, pornography, Happy Meal toys, more pornography, bootlegs and still more pornography. Comic book creators, C-list actors and obscure pinup models are always on hand to sign autographs — sometimes for a fee, sometimes for free crack. It’s creepy, it’s seedy, it’s a horrible place to bring a girl you’re trying to impress. But that’s kind of what I like about it.
Comic-Con is a convention that’s like Tim Roth after too many injections of the super-soldier serum and being exposed to Bruce Banner’s gamma-irradiated blood. It’s an Abomination, is what I’m saying. I don’t like lines, and from what I’ve read, that’s all Comic-Con is — one enormous line. You wait in line to get in, you wait in line to see a panel, you wait in line to buy a convention exclusive (Charlie Brown bobble head — w00t!), you wait in line to get free swag, you wait in line to smell the smelliest convention attendees. You have to begin doubting your patriotism when you go to an event that people line up for hours in advance. Lines are for Communists.
That said, you won’t see me queuing up at Comic-Con this year, or next year, or ever. Bugger that. I have Internet, I have an eBay account. Anything momentous that happens there — I’ll read about it soon enough online. Any bit of swag there that you can’t get anywhere else — it’ll be up for auction on eBay before you can say, “Why would anyone buy a Charlie Brown bobble head?” All the footage and previews and clips that are shown there — it’s guaranteed to be coming soon to a theater near you. So why do people keep going to this thing in droves? Well, they fell for the biggest Con of them all.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
26
Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors
Filed Under Conventions | Leave a Comment
The L.A. Convention Center this weekend is the central hub of sex and violence. In one hall is AdultCon — an egregiously overpriced adult film convention — and in another is Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors. Being slightly more of a fan of carnography than pornography, I attended the latter this afternoon.
I’d never been to a horror convention before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I skipped all the panels (Q&A sessions bore me to tears) and just trolled around the vendors room. There were dozens of horror film stars signing autographs, ultra-low-budget horror filmmakers talking up their projects and dealers selling collectibles, t-shirts and bootlegs. Here’s a list of what I picked up:
- a Winchester pint glass from “Shaun of the Dead”
- a “Toxic Avenger” t-shirt
- an issue of “Fangoria” from 1990 with a cover story about “Darkman”
- “The Making of ‘Friday the 13th’” book
- “The Gingerbread Man” DVD, starring Gary Busey as a killer cookie
- a Danielle Harris (“Halloween” 4 & 5 and the Rob Zombie remake) autographed picture
- a Brian O’Halloran (“Clerks”) autographed picture
I wanted to get the out-of-print “Puppet Master” boxed set at the Full Moon booth, but it was $90. Picking that up would’ve left me with about $10 in spending money. It seems like it’d be really easy to blow this month’s rent on some of the goodies I saw today.
Fans really do go all out for this sort of thing, especially the ladies. I wore my “Thanksgiving” t-shirt and was sorely under-dressed compared to all the women there in mohawks and corsets and gore makeup — homina! Who needs the AdultCon when Fangoria’s next door?
-Brad Lohan