Fox Remains Committed to Making Crappy “Apes” Movies

Filed Under Movies

I love the original “Planet of the Apes.” It’s simply a great piece of science fiction, and I’m not just saying that because I love talking monkeys. The movie is at once a product of its time and yet still resonant today. That Tim Burton’s 2001 remake of the film completely misses the mark goes to show how lunkheaded the movie-making process has become. Fortunately, that film’s modest box office take didn’t exactly light a fire under the studio bosses at 20th Century Fox to greenlight a sequel.

No, they’re going to crank out a prequel instead.

The rumor for the past couple of weeks was that Fox will remake of the fourth PotA installment, “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.” Retitled “Genesis: Apes,” more proof that Fox is committed to giving movies the dumbest sounding titles, the film will be about Ceasar, the leader of an ape revolution that pre-dates the events of the first “Planet of the Apes.” Yes, it’s confusing.

Today, however, CHUD.com has reported that “Genesis: Apes” isn’t quite happening. Rather, the film will be called “Caesar” and not be a direct remake of “Conquest.” It’ll instead be set during the modern day and have an non-verbal ape protag named Caesar, who’s the product of genetic tampering. Ultimately, the ape will — ahem — go ape and kick start the beginning of the end for man’s global supremacy.

I find myself liking this idea a whole lot less than angry mobs of talking monkeys taking over the Earth. Of course, I’m a bit of a misanthrope. Some people pray for the second coming of Jesus; I pray for the second coming of Tyrannosaurus. But I’ll settle for apes if they’re in the offing. Still, I don’t think “Caesar” is a compelling idea for a film. This project sounds like it has the same issue that Tim Burton’s remake does: the final scene is actually how the movie should begin.

What’s more, 20th Century Fox absolutely cannot make a movie that’s all that good anymore. This sounds way too out there for the studio to just leave the filmmakers alone. Even a sure thing like “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” — see what I mean about their movie titles? — has apparently experienced a very difficult birth. There’s no telling what sort of shape this film will take by the time it hits screens after it’s been monkeyed with.

-Brad Lohan

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