Apr
30
Did James Cameron Rip Off “The Terminator” from Harlan Ellison?
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Last weekend I picked up two old episodes of “The Outer Limits” — “Demon With a Glass Hand” and “Soldier” — at a comic book convention. Those two episodes apparently served as the inspiration for the first “Terminator” film. In fact, the writer of both eps, Harlan Ellison, sued “Terminator” writer-director James Cameron for aping his ideas. There was an out-of-court settlement, and now the “Terminator” films acknowledge the works of Harlan Ellison in the credits. So I was curious how similar those episodes were to Cameron’s breakout film. Did he borrow Ellison’s ideas wholesale?
The answer is no. Ellison was off his nut in filing suit against Cameron. The similarities between those two episodes and “The Terminator” are superficial at best. Both eps use time travel as a plot device, not unlike “The Terminator,” but that’s not exactly a concept Ellison came up with on his own. For the most part, the episodes have virtually nothing to do with Cameron’s film.
“Demon With a Glass Hand” is about a man who’s being pursued by time-traveling spacemen. He has, as you may have guessed, a glass hand, but it’s missing a few fingers. The hand also talks to him, telling him that if he can reattach the amputated digits, it’ll be possessed with omnipotence. Fortunately, the spacemen who are chasing him around an abandoned building have brought the severed fingers with them. So each time he easily dispatches one of the spacemen by ripping off the medallions they’re wearing and sending them back to the future(!), he gets another finger back. Anyway, at the very end, he reattaches the last finger and discovers that he’s actually a robot — zomg! Doesn’t that sound EXACTLY like the plot of “The Terminator?” No…?
“Soldier,” on the other [glass] hand, is about a battle-hardened trooper from the future who’s accidentally sent to our present. He’s quickly arrested for disintegrating a police car with his ray gun. The police bring in a linguist to decipher the soldier’s strange futuristic dialect. After nearly being killed in a misunderstanding about “good touching” vs. “bad touching,” the linguist has the soldier released into his custody. And in what seems like a the perfect setup for an ’80s sitcom, the soldier moves in with the linguist’s family, where he tries to make “think-speak” with their housecat, MacBeth. Another soldier then materializes in our present, breaks into the lingust’s home and is transported back to the future with the PTSD soldier who talks to cats. Doesn’t that sound EXACTLY like the plot of “The Terminator?” No…?!
The only elements that those two episodes share with “The Terminator” are a robot who looks human and a soldier from a war-torn future coming to our present. The expressions of those elements, however, are vastly different. The Terminator, for one thing, knows he’s a cyborg. What’s more, he’s not made out of glass, nor does he talk to his hand. Also, Resistance fighter Kyle Reese speaks fluent English and doesn’t become a houseguest for a suburban middle-class family; he’s even slightly more emotionally adjusted for someone who grew up after the apocalypse. I was absolutely stunned as I watched these two episodes. Ellison really had no case here. I can see where Cameron drew some inspiration from “The Outer Limits,” but the episodes in question have about as much in common with “The Terminator” as they do with “Back to the Future.”
I lost a little bit of respect for Harlan Ellison while watching these two episodes, and not because they’ve aged poorly. I always knew that he was a bit of a crank, but I used to think of him as a mad genius. Now I just think he wants to take credit where credit isn’t due.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
29
Is “Wolverine” a Clawful Film?
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I’ve been looking forward to seeing “Wolverine” for months and months now. I’m not thrilled that it’s a prequel. I think “X2″ told us pretty much everything we needed to know about his origin. I think the more we know about the Canucklehead, the less interesting the character becomes. For example, his real name is not Logan, but James Howlett. See, that little bit of information alone is dullsville.
At any rate, folks are beginning to see the film at press screenings and so forth. Yes, the buzz was universally poor in regards to the bootlegged workprint, but that was the “unfinished version” with incomplete effects and missing 15 minutes or so of additional footage. According to the Chud.com message boards, though, the final cut of “Wolverine” blows goats as well.
I’m locked in to see the film tomorrow night at the ArcLight Sherman Oaks. There’s no turning back now for this kid. So what do I do? How should I prepare myself to see a movie that is, by all accounts, worse than a dickpunch with extreme prejudice? That I can’t tell you. I’ve been in this position before, hearing nothing but negative buzz about a film. Sometimes it’ll lower my expectations a bit, and I’ll end up being pleased it’s at least in focus. I walked out of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” thinking I’d seen a completely different movie than everyone else who couldn’t seem to hate on that film enough. The same thing happened with “Spider-Man 3.”
I dunno. I’m disappointed that it’s not on par with “X2,” but at the same time, I think I’ll probably dig it more than the average geek. I kind of just like going to the movies. I’d like to think I’m not one of these hyperbolic goofballs who acts as though his precious life was robbed of two hours. Those jerkwads need to catch swine flu. Or they need to see “The Mutant Chronicles.” If “Wolverine” is even slightly better than that shitpie, I’ll do a flip.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
28
“The Mutant Chronicles” Review
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I should’ve known better than to see another movie with the word “Chronicles” in the title. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I was too hung up on the word “Mutant” to care what noun it was modifying. I love the word “mutant.” It should be pretty hard to screw up a movie with mutants in it. I mean, how bad could a movie called “The Mutant Chronicles” actually be? Well, I found out!
“The Mutant Chronicles,” which sounds like a newspaper for the hideously deformed, is apparently based on a role-playing game — a big red flag there. Had I known the film’s origins were some pencil and paper RPG, I’d have steered clear. Even I don’t waste time with role-playing games, and I like some geeky shit. I mean, I went out of my way to get Joan Severance’s autograph last weekend because I own “Black Scorpion” on DVD. But I digress.
At any rate, the film is set in the 28th century, something I gathered from the poster, not the lengthy voiceover — another red flag — at the top of the film. Tom Jane plays a soldier in a privatized army that’s engaged in trench warfare with another privatized army on the Eastern European border. During a sequence that should not be used as a good example for how to maintain screen direction, one army or the other breaks open this giant manhole cover in the earth and unleashes a horde of mutants. The mutants then carve up most of the soldiers with their scimitar-shaped right hands. Tom Jane’s character manages to escape, so he can be doughy and brooding for the remainder of the film.
Ron Perlman plays a monk or something with encyclopedic knowledge of the mutants and their mutant-making machine, a device that’s kept underground and needs to be destroyed or else there would be no movie. Although Earth’s being evacuated, Perlman’s character inexplicably assembles a team of ragtag soldiers, including Jane’s character, to destroy the mutants’ Easy Bake Oven. It should be pointed out that I had no idea the machine turned people into mutants until late in the film when Jane’s character falls into it, but manages to easily escape. He’s sort of a half-mutant from that point on. Oh, and the way you destroy the machine is by putting a bomb in a relief that’s been specifically carved into the machine for someone to put a bomb.
The movie was shot on a digital backlot, but unlike “Sin City” or “300,” it’s uglier than that Scottish woman who looks like Colm Meaney but can sing really well. All the money the filmmakers saved on building sets they instead pissed away on the cruddiest looking post-apocalypse I’ve ever seen. “Mutant Chronicles” falls into that quirky sub-genre known as “steampunk,” so everything is coal-fired. Steampunk more or less reached its cultural apex with the final scene in “Back to the Future III.” Since then, we’ve had “Wild Wild West” and this film. Steampunk can go eff itself.
“The Mutant Chronicles” is not a noble failure. It isn’t a movie with a reach that exceeds its grasp. Rather, it’s one of those movies where you get the sense that the people behind the camera had never actually seen a film before they started shooting. It’s a two-hour fan film, a shittily made valentine to a retarded RPG. You’d have to be a mutant to enjoy this.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
27
MovieTickets.com Gypped Me
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I’d been holding out hope that “Wolverine” — I refuse to call it “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” because I’m into the whole brevity thing — will open at the Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. I love that particular venue. I used to go there all the time to watch rubbishy movies like “Alien Vs. Predator” and “Hostel” and “X3: X-Men United” when I lived just a few blocks away. From what I’ve been reading about “Wolverine,” it is by all accounts a rubbish film. So seeing it at the Grauman’s would be perfect.
I noticed last week that tickets had gone on sale for a 12:01 a.m. showing of the film at the Grauman’s, and I quickly tried to buy one on MovieTickets.com. I’ve bought so many tickets online over the years, I have accounts set up on all the online ticketing sites. It’s a piece of piss. Unfortunately, this time I got some error message on the “Thank You” page. The transaction hadn’t gone through or whatever, but I still inexplicably got a confirmation number. When I checked my bank account online, I verified that I’d been charged $12.75 for a ticket; MovieTickets.com takes in a $1 service fee on top of the $11.75 ticket price.
I decided that I should head over to the theater before the night of the movie and straighten this mess out. So I went last Saturday. As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I did not walk away happy. The girl working in the box office said that there was no record that I’d bought a ticket. The confirmation number wasn’t worth the post-it note it was written on. A line started forming behind me at the box office window. I was asked to get out of line so she could “help” the other customers. Never mind she hadn’t done a whole hell of a lot to help me.
Part of me thought I should just go ahead and download the goddamn movie now. I’ve already paid to see the thing after all. But, two wrongs don’t make a right. I was just going to have to eat thirteen bucks. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just incredibly annoying. Buying tickets online is supposed to be quick and easy, not a bigger hassle than getting them at the box office. That said, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I buy tickets for anything on MovieTickets.com or at the Grauman’s Chinese again. That ought to save me some trouble.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
24
Rise of the Machines
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I bought my ticket to “Terminator: Salvation” today. It’s probably the big dumb summer movie I’m most looking forward to. Of course I’m going to see “Wolverine” and I’ll even sit through “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” Where last summer was stuffed to the gills with superheroes, this summer it looks like men of steel will be ruling the box office. But are summer movies becoming too same-y?
“Wolverine” and “Terminator: Salvation” both have characters with metal skeletons. “Terminator: Salvation” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” both have giant robots doing major structural damage. All three movies are prequels and/or sequels; “Terminator: Salvation” is actually a prequel and a sequel. And here I’m struggling with trying to come up with an original script idea.
That said, I have a fondness for cyborgs and robots in general. What’s the difference between a cyborg and a robot, you ask? Well, a cyborg is a creature that’s both cybernetic and an organic — a “cybernetic organism” that’s part man, part machine. Darth Vader is a cyborg, RoboCop is a cyborg, the Six Million Dollar Man is a cyborg. The word “cyborg” is also incredibly fun to say. A robot, on the other hand, has no organic matter. C-3PO is a robot, ED-209 is a robot, HAL is a robot. Robots may look human and have artificial intelligence, but they’re not alive in the sense that we are. A whole philosophical debate could be had about what is alive and what is not. I’d rather go back to bitching about how unoriginal Hollywood is, though.
Summertime is not the season to expect freshness. As such, I find myself becoming less and less enthusiastic about this time of year. I like A-ticket thrill rides, but the experience isn’t what it used to be. I can tell you right now I won’t be as blown away by “Terminator: Salvation” as I was by “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.” And “T2″ is old enough to vote.
“Iron Man,” “Hellboy” and “The Dark Knight” were the best movies last summer. What’s interesting about them is that they’re all comic book films, but that’s where the similarities end. This summer seems like a parade of “nature vs. technology” flicks with little to separate one from the other, apart from where the source material was derived.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
23
Happy 25th Anniversary, TMNT! Where’s My Present?
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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are technically in their mid-twenties, celebrating their quarter-century anniversary today! Most young people don’t remember the original comic book series published by Mirage Studios, but the cartoon that came four years later. What’s important, though, is that the Turtles have been kicking some shell for twenty-five years in one medium or another. According to Chud, a new movie is in the works.
The film will be another origin movie (*sigh*) and draw its inspiration from the pages of the early Eastman and Laird comics. I have a trade paperback that collects the first twelve issues of the original series. From what I remember about it, the Turtles’ arch-nemesis The Shredder actually dies at the end of the first issue(!), the overall tone is much darker, and there are androids with giant brains in their abdominal cavities, not to mention anthropomorphic dinosaurs. Oh, and April O’Neill is a scientist. I’ll choke down another origin movie if they at least take the material in another direction. Anthropomorphic dinosaurs are a good direction to go.
Tonight, the Empire State Building is literally going green to commemorate the Turtles’ 25th birthday. Here’s to another twenty-five years of Turtle Power!
-Brad Lohan
Apr
22
“Captain Planet and the Planeteers”
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This being Earth Day and all, I thought I’d do a blog about the greenest superhero this side of Al Gore, Captain Planet. I remember watching the cartoon as an adolescent and collecting the line of cheaply-produced action figures. The character never really caught on like the Ninja Turtles. And despite being educational and having a positive message, its general lack of success proved that parents by and large are full of shit when it comes to demanding programming for their children that teaches them something other than how to kill each other. I think the pro-environment theme has something to do with that. I don’t know, and will probably never know, why many Troglodytes are so hellbent on refusing to believe that the human race is the worst thing to happen to Earth since the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs. But we are. Unfortunately, our backward thinking means that green heroes like Captain Planet will never be adapted into a movie, yet the gas-guzzling Transformers already have a threequel in development.
At any rate, Captain Planet is actually not a military officer. He’s the manifestation of the four elements — earth, fire, wind and water — as well as “heart,” which gives him the empathy and compassion that’s lacking in your average right-winger. Captain Planet is more or less a deus ex machina. The Planeteers, a group of five teenagers from different cultural backgrouds, anchor the television show, chasing eco-terrorists to the ends of the earth. Each Planeteer wears a power ring that gives him or her control over one of the above-mentioned elements. Poor Ma-Ti got gypped and has to wear the sissified “heart” ring.
When the Planeteers are confronted with some challenge that they can’t possibly overcome themsevles, which is in virtually every single episode, they combine their powers to summon Captain Planet, who hands the badguys their asses. Captain Planet’s not entirely indestructible, though. He is, as you may have guessed, vulnerable to toxic waste or other pollutants. Cleaning him off after he’s been sprayed with crude oil or whatever usually restores his powers to him.
All the villains on the show are mutant monsters who represented some type of industry that poses a threat to the environment. For instance, Duke Nukem, not to be confused with the retarded video game character, is a glowing radioactive creature; Hoggish Greedly is a pig-faced Rush Limbaugh-lookalike that cuts down rain forests; and so on and so forth.
Captain Planet was created by media mogul Ted Turner, believe it or not, and the show ran on TBS for a short period in the early ’90s. I assume the character’s origins were born of the collective outrage people felt in the wake of the Chernobyl disaster and the Exxon Valdez oil spill. The character seems just as viable today, but unfortunately, environmentalism is still some kind of psuedo-science if you believe what the talking [shit]heads tell you on our corporately owned media outlets. I’d love to see Captain Planet return to the small screen or even the big screen. A twenty-first century update would definitely be interesting. He might want to lose the mullet, though.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
21
A Troma-tizing Film Set Experience
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I’m reading “Direct Your Own Damn Movie” by Lloyd Kaufman, co-founder of Troma Studios and director of umpteen films for his “truly independent” shingle. The book’s a fun read, though I think some of the advice is a little impractical. I can’t exactly work as an unpaid intern on film set and be expected to afford things like food and shelter. I also think being a PA isn’t a surefire way to gain valuable set experience that will someday land you in a director’s chair. What’s more crucial is having luck rather than skill. Whenever you work on a movie, you’re standing shoulder-to-shoulder with dozens — perhaps hundreds — of people who didn’t get into showbiz to be doing whatever it is they’re doing right now. They want to direct, too. And they’ve all got way more set experience than you. That being said, they’re still taking orders from some d-bag who probably can’t do any of their jobs.
The book, however, convinced me to finally pick up Troma’s latest film, “Poultrygeist,” on DVD. The 3-disc set includes a feature-length documentary on the making of the film. “Poultry in Motion” is actually a much better movie than “Poultrygeist.” It’s a warts-and-all behind-the-scenes doc that makes Christian Bale’s recent on-set rant seem like a stifled yawn. Working on a Troma movie looks like a complete nightmare. Almost everyone’s doing their jobs for free and on an empty stomach for up to 18 hours at a stretch. Miscommunication abounds, meaning actors sit around in full makeup all day without being used. Tempers flare under the pressure and intense summer heat. Special effects done on the cheap don’t work. Morale is always low. Most crew members — and some of the cast — end up walking.
Funnily enough, “Poultry in Motion” is the third making-of doc that Troma’s released after “Farts of Darkness: The Making of ‘Terror Firmer’” and “Apocalypse Soon: The Making of ‘Citizen Toxie.’” I applaud Kaufman for his willingness to show himself being a major asshole on set. But for a filmmaker with 30 years of experience under his belt, one would assume he’d have learned a thing or two about directing his own damn movies. Rather, I see him making the same mistakes each time.
First of all, he needs a second unit. Most films have two or more units shooting simultaneously, particularly effects movies like “Poultrygeist.” The second unit films all of the stunts, fight sequences, car chases, special FX and so forth — the stuff that can grind filming to a halt if they can’t get a shot off. Rarely will there only be one unit on an effects film. Guillermo Del Toro and Christopher Nolan literally direct every shot in their movies, but they have A-list crews and much larger budgets.
Second, Kaufman needs to feed everyone. The novelty of making a zombie movie with lesbians wears off pretty quickly. I understand that Kaufman’s working on a tight budget, but unfed cast and crew members are much more likely to walk when the days get long. You can bullshit amateurs into working for free and suggest they’ll be getting valuable experience. But they’ll gladly trade that all experience for a sandwich after going an entire day with nothing to eat.
Third, Kaufman needs to realize he gets what he pays for. People who are willing to work without pay probably don’t have a list of credits on IMDb that’s as long as your arm. They’re all rank amateurs. That isn’t to say they’re incompetent, but there’s going to be a learning curve. Kaufman might have three decades’ worth of experience working on movies. His crew, however, will have to pick it up as they go. They do seem to catch 30 years’ worth of hell during the course of the shoot.
I actually worked on a Troma film a few years ago. Kaufman was doing a day’s worth of pickup shots for a troubled project. I did double-duty as a PA and an extra, so I got to mop up blood between takes and try to avoid looking into the camera during a party scene. I was a little nervous about the shoot, having seen “Farts of Darkness.” But Kaufman kept his cool. I ended up having a great time, and the presence of a totally nude Julie Strain kept morale up. I don’t think I’d ever want to work on a Troma film shoot, though. I’ll just stick to watching the making-of documentaries if I’m ever in to mood for getting Tromatized.
-Brad Lohan
Apr
20
“The Punisher” (1989) at the New Bev
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I attended the Dolph Lundgren film festival last weekend at the New Beverly, but didn’t see the entire program. Five movies starring Lundgren were shown back-to-back: “Red Scorpion,” “Universal Soldier,” “Rocky IV,” “The Punisher” and “I Come in Peace.” I saw three of them.
The festival began at 4 pm, meaning that the parking situation would be a right bastard. I’d have had to get to the theater before 4, find a spot on the street, put two hours’ worth of change in the meter, watch “Red Scorpion,” then go back out to my car and put another few minutes’ worth of change into the meter; after 6 pm, street parking is free. I ultimately decided that I didn’t like “Red Scorpion” all that much. So I figured I’d skip the first feature. “Universal Soldier” is a far superior film anyway. Lundgren acts his ass off in that one.
However, the Dolph Lundgren film I was most excited about seeing was “The Punisher.” Made in 1989, the film was originally intended to be released theatrically, but the production company went under. The film was sold to a distribution house that only deals in DTV features. So Hollywood’s first crack at “The Punisher” went straight-to-video. The film was released theatrically overseas. To add insult to injury, the international cut was gorier than the DTV version that I own.
Director Mark Goldblatt was in attendance and had brought the international version of the film with him to the screening. It only lacks the extended prologue, which you can read about on IMDb, but is essentially the “director’s cut” of the film. Being quite fond of the Punisher, I was thrilled to be seeing the definitive edit of the movie on the big screen — twenty years after it had been produced!
Where the 2004 version is tonally all over the place, and the 2008 version is black comedy, the 1989 “Punisher” is a straightforward revenge thriller. I wish Punny would wear a skull insignia on his chest in this one, but even the latter two versions shy away from such a bold fashion statement. I clearly am from another planet in my thinking that a walking arsenal with a bone-white skull insignia emblazoned on his chest is some pants-shitting imagery. That said, at least the filmmakers gave the Punisher a skull-like visage.
The film is the kind of balls-out actioner they don’t make anymore. Having well over a hundred Italian mobsters, the Punisher has created a power vacuum that the Yakuza — the Japanese mafia — try to capitalize on. Apparently, all Yakuza members are skilled in the art of ninjitsu. I thought you just had to cut off your little finger to show your loyalty, but hey, I’m a gaijin, so what do I know? At any rate, the Punisher fights a bunch of regular mobsters and mobsters trained as ninjas. Meanwhile, his former partner, played by Lou Gossett Jr., tries to track him down. It’s not “Citizen Kane.” It’s better.
Goldblatt did a Q&A after the film. It sounded unlikely that the uncut version of the film will ever wind up on DVD in the States, since nobody seems to know who owns the rights. I’m disappointed that I’ll never be able to own that edit of the film. But still, how could I ever hope to recreate something as glorious as a Dolph Lundgren film festival in my own living room?
-Brad Lohan
Apr
17
I want to write a script called “People Running Around Doing Shit.” I think that’s a banal enough title to actually get a greenlight. Movie titles have become increasingly dull over the years. Case in point: “Fighting.” A title should be unique, not so vague it could virtually describe any movie. How many movies have fighting in them? It’s as though studios are terrified to be original or inspired.
“Fast & Furious,” a film with a completely meaningless nomenclature, has already crossed the $100 million mark. It’s the fourth installment in the ongoing saga of gearheads and their rice burners, but evidently numerical designations are no longer en vogue when it comes to sequels. Instead the title is stripped down to as few syllables as possible. I imagine movie five will be called “Fast/Furious.”
This sort of reminds me of “1984,” the bit about how the English language is constantly being whittled down and how words that are considered redundant are removed. The ultimate goal is for people to sound like ducks quacking. That would be — ahem — ungood. But when I see ads for movies with titles like “Fighting” and “Obsessed” and “Fast & Furious,” I’m struck by the overwhelming lack of imagination on display.
Sometimes it goes the other way. “Quantum of Solace” is definitely on par with “A View to a Kill” as the worst title for a Bond movie. It’s different, but it’s also incomprehensible. Bizarre titles are sometimes perfect. What else would you call “Eraserhead?” But a title needs to capture the flavor of a film. It should be simple, but not overly simplistic. “Back to the Future” is a great title. “Dirty Harry” is a great title. “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” is a shit title.
A movie’s title says so much about the film and has to do so in a relatively concise way. It’s an awesome responsibility for a couple of words. That said, I think the original title for “Obsessed” — “Oh No She Didn’t” — is waaay better. And the original title for “Fighting” — “Untitled Dito Montiel Project” — is moderately better. At least it’s interesting.
-Brad Lohan