Nov
30
After I moved to L.A., I pretty much gave up on renting movies from the video store. Finding whatever movie I was looking for at Blockbuster was always a losing battle. I’d end up renting something else — something awful — since I didn’t want to leave the store empty-handed. Blockbuster’s selection unfortunately leaves something to be desired. I drove by one yesterday that had a sign that said “Hancock” was “Guaranteed in Stock!” I’m not sure if that was a warning or not. Regardless, the more shelves that are loaded with rubbishy Will Smith vehicles, the less space the store has for anything resembling quality.
At any rate, I finally broke down and joined Netflix last year. It seemed like much more of a sure thing than the crapshoot of going to the video store. They have a much more robust selection for one thing. What’s more, you can create your own “queue” of films, which they mail to you in a day or so. How many you can get at a time is contingent on what sort of plan you have. I prefer “Two-at-a-Time.”
That being said, I suspended my account a couple months ago because I was preparing to move. At the beginning of November, I almost reactivated it but wanted to catch up on some DVDs I already owned. My account’s now set to reactivate on December 1st. I’m still on the fence about whether or not I should just cancel the damn thing altogether.
See, I’ve realized something. When I rent a movie, my standards go way, way down. I guess it has to do with the fact that I’m not buying the sucker outright, and I don’t have to live with my decision for more than a week or so. The last couple movies I rented from Cinephile here in West L.A. were “Halloween III” and “Halloween 6″ — the two worst things to happen to the planet Earth since the Olsen Twins. This is what happens when I’m set loose in a video store.
My Netflix queue also reflects my complete lack of taste when it comes to film rentals. What were the first two movies I checked out from Netflix, you ask? That’s easy: Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” and “I Know Who Killed Me” starring Lindsay Lohan. Before I put my account on hold, I’d checked out “Psycho II” and “Psycho III.” Why do I do this to myself? I have no idea.
Let me be totally honest with you. I even considered adding “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” to my queue rather recently.
Oh, yeah, I’ve managed to shoehorn in an actual film now and then. But not even “Touch of Evil,” which I didn’t even really like all that much, can’t make up for “Starship Troopers 3: Marauder.”
Look at some of these other gems I wittingly subjected myself to:
“Airport”
“King Kong” (1976)
“Q: The Winged Serpent”
“Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters”
“Cannibal Holocaust”
“Beneath the Planet of the Apes”
“Doom”
“Invasion USA”
“Mega Snake”
“Hannibal Rising”
And those are the ones I watched from beginning to end. Here’s some others that were so agonizing, I turned them off:
“Modesty Blaise”
“Mother’s Day”
“Casino Royale” (1967)
“Murder-Set-Pieces”
“Danger: Diabolik”
So, I guess I’m part of the problem here. I keep meaning to watch actual films, and looking over some of my rentals, I did manage to sneak in more good movies, like “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” than I could remember off the top of my head. I also checked out the first few eps of “Deadwood” and “Dexter,” which I found plenty entertaining.
I’ve tinkered with my queue a bit and front-loaded it with some flicks that are (supposedly) better than what I’ve been watching thus far. I think I’ll give Netflix another month to impress me then either cancel my account or have finally separated the wheat from the chaff.
-Brad Lohan
Nov
29
“Big Trouble in Little China” at the Nuart
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I remember seeing “Big Trouble in Little China” in a sparsely-populated theater when it came out. Though the movie didn’t set the box office on fire, it got a lot of play on network TV. I’ve seen this film in whole or in part probably upwards of 50 times. And I still get a kick out of it every time.
The Nuart screened “Big Trouble in Little China” for a much larger audience last night than the one I’d seen it with in 1986. It’s always a joy to watch a childhood staple on the big screen. Even after having seen it so many times, I pick up on things I never noticed on the small screen. Movies just play better in a theater even if it’s a grainy, 22-year-old print you’re watching.
“Big Trouble in Little China” — or “John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China” if you’re not into the whole brevity thing — is what I call an “Eastern.” The film blends the conventions of the Western with those of a martial arts film, sort of like “Enter the Dragon,” but with more mysticism and buddy comedy. In doing so, the movie deconstructs the myth of the Western hero, casting Kurt Russell’s truck driver Jack Burton as the comedic foil, while his restauranteur friend Wang (Dennis Dun) does most of the heavy lifting in terms of action.
Jack Burton rolls into San Francisco Chinatown and quickly finds himself caught up in a kidnapping plot involving Wang’s fiance, Miao Yin, a Chinese girl with green eyes; such things are rare, evidently. Miao Yin soon falls into the hands of Lo Pan (James Hong), a ghost who needs to marry a green-eyed girl and lift a curse that’s kept him in spectral form for 2,000 years. It’s all very complicated, as these movies often are. But the confusion is paid off so beautifully when someone rattles of a bunch of exposition, and Burton goes, “What?!”
Whenever John Carpenter and Kurt Russell work together, it’s almost always magic. “Big Trouble in Little China” is their third theatrical feature together after “Escape From New York” and “The Thing.” They’d reunite a decade later for “Escape From L.A.,” but the film was a bit of a step back for both talents.
Nonetheless, Carpenter was at the top of his game as a genre filmmaker in the ’80s, though his technique was sorely underappreciated at the time. Carpenter’s approach was often too cynical and downbeat; I’d have loved to see his take on Batman. But with this film, he really demonstrates a gift for comedy that wasn’t all too prevalent in his earlier projects. I’ve gotten into Carpenter in a big way in recent years. It’s just unfortunate that “Big Trouble in Little China” is probably his last best effort.
-Brad Lohan
Nov
25
Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Eligible for an Oscar
Filed Under Blockbusters, Comics, Movies | 1 Comment
I haven’t watched the Oscars in 5 years. Awards shows bore me to death, and I guess I’m not alone. The ratings for the last Oscar broadcast were dismal. What the hell even won for Best Picture this year anyway? Uh, hold on. It was… Okay, this is embarrassing. “No Country for Old Men?” Yeesh, I should’ve known that off the top of my head. I liked that movie quite a bit. But again, I didn’t watch the eleventeen-hour show. I read the post-mortem online and forgot pretty much all about it. The award is such a hollow victory as far as I’m concerned. I mean, it’ll add another million dollars to one’s fee, but let’s be real here. The Oscar is more often than not the beginning of the end of a given actor or filmmaker’s creative integrity.
All that being said, CHUD.com has stumbled upon a “For Your Consideration” ad that Warner Bros. has taken out for Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker in “The Dark Knight.” We all knew this was coming, but I’m surprised that it’s already happening. It’s not even Thanksgiving, and the Oscars aren’t until February. Hell, most of the major contenders haven’t even hit screens yet.
I really dug Ledger’s performance in the film, partly because it’s very easy for me to impersonate. But seriously, he deserves all the praise he’s received. Does he deserve the Oscar? I don’t see why not.
“The Dark Knight” might be the first comic book movie nominated for non-technical Academy Awards. Ledger is almost guaranteed a nod, but director Chris Nolan might get one as well. And who knows? The film itself could even be among the five Best Picture nominees. It is the second highest-grossing movie of all time, coming in behind 1998’s Best Picture winner “Titanic.” Voters might be put off by the film’s comic book roots, but a certain science-fantasy picture called “Star Wars” was Best Picture nom in ‘78. It lost to “Annie Hall.” Still, genre movies have been embraced by the Academy before.
Personally, I think Ledger should receive the only non-technical nomination for the film. He’s the best thing about it. “The Dark Knight” is a great movie, but the Best Picture of the Year? I dunno. I’d like to think there are some better movies on the horizon as awards season ramps up. Nonetheless, if Ledger were nominated, I’d more than likely break down and watch the Oscars for a change.
-Brad Lohan
Nov
24
The “Star Trek” Footage I Didn’t See
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Recently, Paramount invited entertainment journos to watch 20 minutes of footage from the new “Star Trek” film, but for whatever reason, I was not one of them. Don’t they know who I am? I guess they don’t, which leaves me in the awkward position of basing my opinion of the footage on other people’s opinions of the footage.
I did, however, see the crap trailer that played before “Quantum of Solace.” As you may remember, I wasn’t thrilled by the images that had trickled out last month. The new trailer was a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing, to paraphrase someone else who wasn’t invited to the Paramount screening. As far as I’m concerned, Kirk is too man-pretty, Spock looks like Rachel Maddow and the movie gives off the vibe of an unofficial “Star Wars” prequel.
Fans have debated for ages which is better, “Star Wars” or “Star Trek.” Director J.J. Abrams seems to want to split the difference, yet everything I’ve seen so far has somehow been less than the sum of its parts. I just see an overly polished turd. Regarding this press screening, the writing’s pretty much on the wall: the movie’s a stinker. Now Paramount has done a bit of damage control by wooing the geeks sites to come and look at 20 minutes of footage. What studio that believes in their movie would do this?
That being said, here’s Devin’s mixed-negative take from CHUD.com, and here’s Moriarty’s positive spin from Ain’t-It Cool.com.
My sense is if you’re a fan, like Devin, start lowering your expectations now. Moriarty, not being a Trekker, seemed to walk away from the screening somewhat impressed; coincidentally, he had reviewed J.J. Abrams’ unused draft of “Superman” with extreme prejudice a few years ago, so I was surprised that he didn’t rip the “Trek” footage to shreds. But I think when the studios roll out the red carpet for the geek site contributors, they tend to show a bit more kindness to the material, the wussies.
“Star Trek” used to be Paramount’s big thing. But each subsequent television series became less and less audience-friendly, and the film franchise went into suspended animation in ‘02 after the atrocious 10th film, “Nemesis,” underperformed. To be fair, the “Next Generation” movies simply weren’t anywhere near as good as the ones with the original crew. Not even “First Contact” holds up all that well. The Borg won’t attack you so long as you behave in a non-threatening manner? The hell?!
Based on what I’ve read and seen thus far, I don’t think this reboot is going to salvage the franchise. It might do some business, but I think it’ll be breakeven at best, not nearly enough to justify its existence. It’s really too bad. My “Star Trek” fandom is confined almost entirely to the films. That said, I can’t imagine a scenario in which would cause me to pass on this movie during its theatrical run; I’m just not wired that way. Still, I wish something would slip out of the studio that’d make me give a dump about this movie.
-Brad Lohan
Nov
23
“Frost/Nixon” Review
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Last Friday, I received an invitation to an advanced screening of “Frost/Nixon” at the ArcLight Hollywood. I boogied over there after work, reminding myself that the commute from Santa Monica to that neck of the woods is an absolute pisser. But I made it with time to spare and found a pretty good seat in the auditorium. ArcLight even provided free popcorn and drinks!
“Frost/Nixon” is a film about the disgraced president’s post-resignation interviews with a lightweight British TV personality. Imagine if George W. Bush sat down with Ryan Seacrest. Frank Langella plays — or rather, disappears into — the role of Nixon, and Michael Sheen imbues Frost with a camera-ready charisma as well as an undercurrent of sadness and vulnerability when he realizes he’s in way over his head. This is a real David and Goliath story. The final interview, concerning the Watergate scandal, is as engaging as any action sequence I’ve seen this year.
Directed by Ron Howard, the film is by far his best effort to date. Finally he’s not saddled by a passable script by the hackneyed Akiva Goldsman — a man who deserves the Best Screenplay Oscar about as much as I deserve the Nobel Prize for Literature for my review of “Masters of the Universe.” Instead, the script was written by Peter Morgan, based on his play. Howard and Morgan did an hour-long Q&A after the film. Fun fact: Ron Howard voted for Nixon in ‘72!
I’m absolutely certain that the right-wing pundits will mercilessly attack this film and brand it leftist prattle. Of course, they won’t actually see the movie, since these shaved apes will doubtless be too busy hunching over their computers, watching the Guitar Hero TV spot with Heidi Klum for the umpteeth time. It always amazes me that people won’t give a film a look before labeling it one thing or the other; that said, I sometimes even amaze myself. Unfortunately, I think some folks will be missing out on same towering performances because they let their insipid personal politics get in the way of their better judgment. But that’s sort of a day in the life for your average Republican — zing!
Kevin Bacon’s character, Jack Brennan, embodies that sort of mentality. A Nixon loyalist to the bitter end, Brennan halts one of the taping sessions during a rare moment when Frost has Nixon over a barrel. Though I clearly part ways with Brennan’s politics, I was still fascinated by his character. Brennan is at once protecting Nixon from himself, and what’s more, Brennan doesn’t want to be confronted with the reality that his friend and mentor is a flawed human being who made some really bad political decisions. Liberals don’t have a problem with throwing each other under the bus. And by that token, Republicans don’t have problem with throwing liberals under the bus, either. But they’ll never turn on one another.
All that being said, “Frost/Nixon” isn’t a one-sided liberal treatise. Langella gives Nixon a charm, a sense of humor, and a pathos that almost makes young people like me comprehend why voters would turn out for the curmudgeon twice. Frost isn’t entirely a hero, either, but rather a wide-eyed outsider who doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation until he’s bungling the first interview.
In the wake of Obama’s election, “Frost/Nixon” seems like a film that kicks Republicans while they’re down, but it doesn’t exactly. It’s a political film to be sure. Yet I think both sides can for once come together and enjoy a well-made picture, one that doesn’t have Heidi Klum in the millionth uninspired riff on that dumb little scene from “Risky Business.”
-Brad Lohan
Nov
21
Childhood’s End: “Batman”
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For the final installment of the Childhood’s End series, I thought I’d do a movie most people have actually seen, Tim Burton’s “Batman.” Released in 1989, the film went on to become the highest-grossing blockbuster of the year, earning more than $250 million. 19 years later, “The Dark Knight” just about doubled that box office take, but in unadjusted dollars. As far as I’m concerned — and a lot of people may disagree with me on this — they nailed it the first time around. Every film since has simply tried reinventing the wheel with varying degrees of success.
“Batman” was a childhood staple for me. I know every line, every musical cue, every sound effect. Before I even got into comic books, I was into Batman. Hell, everyone likes Batman. He’s a character that doesn’t have that “geek” stigma attached to him. Why? He embodies the American ideal of frontier justice unlike any other funnybook character. He has the best costume, the best villains and the best car. For a superhero without powers, Batman has leapt off the comics’ page and enjoyed a level of unparalleled popularity in our culture for almost 70 years. What’s more, he’s clearly insane.
“Batman” gets a lot of spins on my DVD player. The film was made back when “style” meant art direction and costume design, not choppy editing and bizarro camera angles. Tim Burton is at the top of his game, crafting a comic book world that’s since been aped by pretty much every filmmaker from Alex Proyas to the Wachowski Bros. Though his original choice for Batman was Tom Selleck, Burton ultimately cast comic actor Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Keaton was a controversial pick, but his haunted and slightly unhinged performance suited the character and was for years regarded as the best actor to play the character. I still think his Batman overshadows Christian Bale’s.
What about the Joker? Today’s fans seem to be dismissive of Nicholson’s performance and prefer Heath Ledger’s take on the character. Still, the Bat-sequels of the ’90s each had to double-up on the rogues since Nicholson was such a tough act to follow. I personally like how Nicholson’s Joker has an arsenal of gadgets, from a 10,000-volt joy buzzer to a flower on his lapel that squirts acid. Burton’s film fully embraces the comic book source material and doesn’t run screaming from it like Chris Nolan’s approach.
I also appreciate how “Batman” doesn’t try to explain everything, as though rooting the character in something resembling our reality is even remotely possible. Come on. It’s fantasy. Besides, the more mysterious Batman is, the better he works as a character. As an audience, we should see Batman from the point of view of Gotham City’s criminal element, newspaper reporters and the police, who all regard him as some urban myth. Batman may not get a lot of screen time in the film, but his presence is felt in every scene.
I don’t want to sound too dismissive of “The Dark Knight,” which I very much enjoyed. I just think that the 1989 film has gotten a bad rap, and I’m not talking about Prince on the soundtrack — zing! Part of it is due to the inferior sequels; “Batman Returns,” however, has grown on me in recent years. Still, the original “Batman” holds its own — at least in my opinion — when measured against the great comic book films of the past 30 years.
-Brad Lohan
Nov
20
Childhood’s End: “Transformers: The Movie”
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I remember seeing the original “Transformers: The Movie” in the theater in the summer of 1986. When Optimus Prime (*Spoiler Ahead*) dies (*End Spoiler*), I almost cried. My VHS copy of the film has so much tape noise from repeat-viewings, you can barely read Orson Welles’ name during the opening credits. Yep, Charles Foster Kane is in “Transformers: The Movie.” Does that mean this is the “Citizen Kane” of animated features that are basically glorified toy commercials?
I would have to say yes.
“Transformers: The Movie” bridges the second season of the animated series with the third. Set in the far-flung future — 2005 — the film introduces a batch of fresh faces along with some of the familiar. The evil Decepticons have beaten back the heroic Autobots, forcing them off their home planet, Cyberton. The Autobots have since made a home for themselves on Earth, living in the transforming metropolis, Autobot City. Meanwhile, Autobot leader Optimus Prime has holed up on one of Cybertron’s moons, where he’s secretly plotting a counter-attack.
The Decepticons, however, launch a devastating assault on Autobot City, one that brings Prime back to Earth and leaves him mortally wounded at the hands of central baddie, Megatron. The film kills off about two-dozen characters from the first two seasons of the animated series, making way for new characters, like the film’s unlikely hero, Hot Rod (voiced by Judd Nelson).
During the return flight to Cybertron, Megatron and other injured Decepticons are scattered across the cosmos by Starscream, Megatron’s second-in-command — a right bastard who’s been jockeying for the #1 spot all along. Starscream was the first Transformer I ever owned and probably my favorite. He’s easily the most psychologically complex and has a fantastic voice, performed by the late Chris Latta. He also doesn’t get to enjoy his leadership role for long before finding himself at the wrong end of a laser-cannon.
Before then, Megatron floats into the orbit of a sentient Death Star named Unicron (Orson Welles). Unicron gives Megatron and his wounded allies an extreme makeover. Megatron is reinvented as Galvatron (voiced by Leonard Nimony) and summarily tasked with destroying the Autobot Matrix of Leadership, a crystal orb that is kept in one’s chest cavity; before Prime died, he passed it along to the reluctant Ultra Magnus. Opening the Matrix will “light [the Autobots’] darkest hour.” That said, it’s a threat to Unicron.
For an 90-minute toy commercial, “Transformers: The Movie” is damn entertaining. Some might find fault with the amount of hair metal on the soundtrack, but I think it’s a great 1980s send-up of animated Disney musicals I grew up on. Keeping with tradition of the previous Childhood’s End reviews, the movie didn’t perform well at the box office; I promise I’ll do a blockbuster tomorrow. Not even a PG rating, earned by a character dropping an s-bomb, enticed kids to pay to see something they can see on TV for free.
Still, the film holds up just as well as it did more than two decades ago. Last year’s live-action movie doesn’t even come close.
Tomorrow: “Batman.”
-Brad Lohan
Nov
19
I remember writing a letter a couple years ago to the rights holder for “Monster Squad,” imploring him to release the movie on DVD. Bootlegs, dubbed from VHS rentals, were available on eBay. You were probably better off just buying it on tape. Of course, VHS copies of the film were going to cost you. At any rate, I told the rights holder that the film was going to be pirated so long as there wasn’t an official DVD release loaded with special features. If there were enough goodies, I reasoned, even the bootleggers would trade up. Shortly after, I got my wish. A 2-disc special edition of “Monster Squad” — one authorized by the rights holder, not burned in some nimrod’s basement — finally hit DVD in ‘07.
So how does this movie hold up, some 20 years after I first saw it on cable?
Thus far, I’ve only touched on films in my Childhood’s End reviews that were met with little to no success at the box office. “Monster Squad” is no exception. I guess it was a tough sell for the studio: imagine the Goonies vs. the Universal Monsters. The ’80s were lousy with slasher films rather than creature features. That said, kids were probably more inclined to watch a movie about a group of adolescents taking on Freddy, Jason and Michael Myers, not Dracula and the like. The film did, however, find its audience eventually. I remember seeing it several times on HBO, and this was years before I got into horror flicks.
The opening credits of the film reads like a who’s who of genre movie geniuses. The [tragically not] immortal Stan Winston designed the beasties; as such, Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, the Mummy and the Gill-Man have never looked better. Richard Edlund, coming off “Masters of the Universe,” handled the effects, and like in “MotU,” they have that old-school charm. Perhaps the biggest revelation is that Shane Black — the creator of “Lethal Weapon” — co-wrote the script. Black’s fingerprints are all over the dialogue, which is quotable as all get out. “Monster Squad” is probably best known for this zippy one-liner: “Wolfman’s got nards!”
What’s also great about the movie — the plot of which revolves around some mystical amulet that can open a doorway to limbo — is how violent it is for kiddie fare. In recent years, school shootings have taken all the fun out of seeing kids wield firearms on film. But a couple kids in “Monster Squad” exercise their Second Amendment rights, wasting a couple beasties in the process. What’s more, the line “My name is HORACE!” would also lose much of its charm if it weren’t punctuated by the cocking of a shotgun.
It’s easy to see why “Monster Squad” has a cult following. The film is a solid genre movie that deserved a much warmer reception upon its release. Of all the dung heaps that somehow become franchises these days — for God’s sake, they’re making a third “xXx” — it’s downright criminal that “Monster Squad” didn’t spawn a sequel or two. There’s been word that a remake is in the works. I can’t imagine it scraping the brilliance of the original. Unlike Wolfman, today’s filmmakers haven’t got nards.
Tomorrow: “Transformers: The Movie.”
-Brad Lohan
Nov
18
The first time I saw “Spawn,” I was 17 going on 18. But I’d been a fan of the character since I was an adolescent, and it was through those rose-colored glasses that I originally watched the film. So how does it hold up?
Well, “Spawn” works, I suppose. It works if you look at it as self-parody. I don’t think the filmmakers knew exactly what they were doing. It’s an effects film, but the effects aren’t that good. Like the Image comic it’s based on, “Spawn” is all sizzle and no steak. To its credit, “Spawn” is a more faithful comic book adaptation than “Batman & Robin,” released that same summer. It’s just as exposition-heavy and unintentionally hilarious as its source material. The film also has perhaps the greatest line of dialogue ever written: “You are a borderline psychopath, perfect for government service.”
Michael Jai White stars as Al Simmons, a government assassin for A-6, some neocon wetwork wet dream. For a so-called “borderline sociopath,” Simmons is less than thrilled when he finds out his last assignment has caused the deaths of innocent civilians. He wants out. His superior officer, Jason Wynn, played by a snarling Martin Sheen, agrees to transfer Simmons to another division, but first he has to go on one final mission…so he can be betrayed and killed.
Simmons is sent to hell, where the devil Malebolgia makes him a deal: He’ll return him to Earth on the condition that Simmons will someday lead hell’s army. Simmons agrees, not really having thought it through, and he wakes up in a rain-soaked alley — horribly burned and dressed like Eddie Vedder. He’s followed around by Clown (John Leguizamo), a squat demon with a painted face. Clown taunts him, provides exposition and eats maggoty slices of pizza. Simmons quickly discovers that five years have passed since his death. Worse, his fiance has married his best friend. For whatever reason, his flannel clothes are soon replaced by a shell of “necroflesh” that sprouts spikes and chains at will. More exposition is given, this time by Cogliostro, a 500-year-old Medieval knight who’s living among the homeless in New York City for some reason. At any rate, Simmons decides he should try to make the most of his superpowers by killing his former boss.
Clocking in at around 90 minutes, “Spawn” is loaded to the gills with exposition. The film is breathtakingly paced, which is problematic. Though Simmons is willing to sell his soul to the devil to see his fiance again, we’re never given much of an indication as to how deep and meaningful their relationship is. They’re not even in a scene together until we’re hit with a series of flashbacks after Simmons’ death and resurrection. That two mentor figures — Clown and Cogliostro — are needed to school Simmons (and the audience) in his backstory and powers also goes to show how impenetrable the character’s origin is. Of course, it never made a whole hell of a lot of sense in 180+ issues of the comic book series either. For instance, Simmons can apparently be killed if he’s decapitated, but isn’t he already dead? Or is he just “mostly dead?”
But, looking at the film as an exercise in high-camp, it’s a blast. A framed photograph of a mushroom cloud adorns the wall of Wynn’s office! Wynn’s ashtray is populated by live scorpions! And Wynn’s harvesting a biological weapon that “makes the Ebola virus look like a skin rash!” When your doomsday weapon makes something that’s really bad look like something that’s not all that bad, then your doomsday weapon is B-A-D! Take note, wannabe-supervillains.
Though it’s shot by Guillermo Navarro — Guillermo del Toro’s D.P. — the film looks like a DTV effort. It’s somehow cheaper looking than yesterday’s Childhood’s End installment, “Masters of the Universe,” a film that’s 10 years older. That being said, the CGI hasn’t aged well. Malebolgia’s mouth doesn’t move when he talks, Hell looks like a stage from “Mortal Kombat” on Sega Genesis, and Simmon’s cape appears sporadically, looking like it’s made from spaghetti sauce, not cloth.
Roger Ebert gave “Spawn” three-and-a-half stars, believe it or not. However, the film didn’t do well enough at the box office to warrant a sequel. Todd McFarlane’s remained bullish about cranking out another installment, but after more than a decade, nothing’s come to fruition. I think the one of the film’s (many) weaknesses is it how slavish it is to the source material; McFarlane’s credited as an Executive Producer and even has a cameo, a la Stan Lee. What may work on the page, though, doesn’t translate so well to the screen. Or maybe that’s the point. Again, if you want some processed cheese, you could do a lot worse.
Tomorrow: “Monster Squad.”
-Brad Lohan
Nov
17
I’ve been toying with the idea of reviewing some seminal films from my youth and seeing how they hold up. I’m a pretty forgiving fellow, or maybe I haven’t matured all that much. At any rate, let’s get started with my take on the live-action adaptation of the “He-Man” cartoon — Cannon Films’ “Masters of the Universe.”
In the 1980s, Cannon Films was responsible for the bulk of Chuck Norris’ output. The studio specialized in cheapies, piggybacking on the success of popular movies with low-budget knockoffs. “Masters of the Universe” was to supposed be their “Star Wars.” It dropped some four years after “Return of the Jedi” opened, and by 1987, the “He-Man” brand had also begun to lose its luster. Still, by Cannon’s standards, it’s an ambitious movie — their most expensive to date.
It unfortunately bankrupted the studio when it underperformed at the box office. I try not to base my opinion of a movie on whether or not it turned a profit. Besides, “MotU” went on to become a top rental in England, so it enjoyed some measure of success.
So did it work for me last weekend, some 20 years after the film’s release? Believe it or not, it does.
In a radical departure from film adaptations these days, the movie is more or less a continuation of the animated series. It doesn’t delve into the origins of He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) and his ongoing struggle with the skull-faced Skeletor (Frank Langella). In fact, the movie begins in medias res with Skeletor and his forces having struck a devastating blow against our heroes by seizing control of Castle Grayskull and imprisoning the Sorceress. Meanwhile, He-Man and his two compatriots — Man-at-Arms and Teela — rescue a captured keymaker named Gwildor, played by go-to little person Billy Barty. Gwildor’s created the Cosmic Key, a device that opens portals to other worlds and allows the filmmakers to save tons of money by transporting our Eternian heroes and villains to Earth for the bulk of the film.
I always dig movies where off-worlders come to our planet, fluent in English and looking pretty much like we do. But I digress.
On Earth, the Cosmic Key falls into the hands of a teenage couple, Kevin and Julie, who think it’s some sort of Japanese synthesizer; Julie’s played by a young Courtney Cox and grieving the recent loss of her parents in a plane crash. Before long, the young lovers are attacked by Skeletor’s henchpersons, but rescued by He-Man. It’s interesting how dark and violent the movie is, being rated PG. The badguys are rather grotesque, save for Evil-Lynn, a spooky MILF played by Meg Foster.
Even though the effects are crummy looking in a way that’s different from how crummy looking effects are today, they were done by FX guru Richard Edlund, who brought Slimer and the Mr. Stay-Puft to life in “Ghostbusters.” I must say I prefer archaic process shots over CGI.
The final duel between He-Man and Skeleton, albeit brief, is pretty iconic. It’s not exactly “The Empire Strikes Back,” but it’s sick enough for geeks like me who grew up on He-Man.
In all, I think “Masters of the Universe” holds up by my standards. It’s probably Cannon’s best film, which is sort of a backhanded compliment. Nonetheless, I’m disappointed the film didn’t find an audience and become a franchise. The intended sequel, interestingly enough, was rewritten as the Van Damme cheapie, “Cyborg.”
Tomorrow: “Spawn.”
-Brad Lohan